Diary of a Loner..

Diary of a Loner.. 15

Dear Diary,

I am so nervous. I have the worst butterflies ever! I'm finding it so hard to concentrate on work, I can't seem to function. I just keep thinking about telling Daniel and that horrible nightmare keeps popping into my head.

Thank god it's lunch now and I can write in you. I need to calm down, Chris is getting really frustrated with me. I keep spacing out when customers talk to me, he's not happy at all and I wish I could explain to him why I'm acting like this but I don't know how to put it into words. 

It's stupid I know Daniel will understand and there's no reason why I should be so nervous. But for some reason I just can't seem to stop thinking about that horrible dream. The image of Daniel and Scott fighting seems to be embedded in my mind.

I wish Scott was here. I know talking to him would help me feel better, he's in the same boat as me and talking with each other should help ease the guilt. Not only that but he always cheers me up. I don't know what it is but he gets me. He always seems to know when to joke around or when to talk serious.

He really has become such a good friend but I have to be careful with him.

I know I've been blaming what happened on the drink and the atmosphere at the party but I have to admit I am attracted to Scott. Only physically attracted! But still it's a form of attraction and I really really have to be careful. I can't allow myself to get carried away. Scott is a good friend and that's the way it is going to stay.

Besides I love Daniel, I don't want to be with anyone else. My attraction to Scott is nothing compared to the way I feel about Daniel. My feelings for him are on a different level all together!

Oh crap, lunch is almost over, that means closing time is coming closer meaning it's only a matter of hours before we tell Daniel! I'm feeling nervous again, oh man the butterflies are back. I can't wait to get this over and done with. The sooner we tell him the better, I can't take this anymore!

I'll tell you what happens later diary, hopefully it'll be good news..

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Dear Diary,

It's done. We told him.

You can not imagine how good it feels to finally have this off my chest. I feel a million times lighter, I can think straight, the butterflies have vanished, I feel like myself again.

Despite all that it was still horrible having to tell him. We all met in the café after my shift. It was obvious that something was up the moment we sat down, the tension was nearly unbearable. Scott and I sat opposite Daniel, I found it hard to look at him I was terrified if I did I'd burst into tears.

You could see on his face that he already had it worked out. He had assumed the worst. I watched as the light slowly vanished from his eyes and a frown gradually crept it's way on to his beautiful face. 

But he was wrong, it wasn't true what he was thinking. I didn't cheat on him, I wouldn't do that! 

It was Scott who was first to speak, I am so grateful for him being there with me. I would never have been able to do it on my own. My tongue was tied, I felt like something was caught in my throat. I couldn't speak.

Scott explained everything, Daniel was quiet the whole time. For once in my life I couldn't read his expression, he was being careful not to let any emotion show. That made me feel even worse, scenes from my nightmare came rushing back into my head. 

He hates me, he doesn't forgive us, he doesn't want anything to do with me. Those were the thoughts that were racing through my head and that's when the first tear fell. 

After that many more began to fall and I quickly grabbed a tissue before either of the two of them saw. Daniel noticed though, he's always been so attentive, always caring for me and always making sure I'm ok. He caught my hand just before I pulled it back.

The warmth of his touch sent a comforting shock through my body. 

With just one touch I knew what he meant. He understood, he was upset but he was glad we told him.

After that I found my voice, I apologised, told him how sorry I was and assured him it would never happen again. I was about to explain it all to him again, tell him that I wasn't thinking straight but he stopped me. There was no need for me to say it all again, he had gotten the picture. We got carried away when dancing, that was all there was to it. 

After that I excused myself to the bathroom. I wanted to give the two boys a few minutes to talk alone, their friendship was just on the line so I felt they needed it. 

When I got back Scott was gone and there was a steaming hot chocolate waiting for me along with Daniel. I slid into the seat next to him and he wrapped his arms around me. We sat in silence while we drank our hot drinks.

It felt good to be in his arms again and to not feel any guilt. Once again I felt at home. 

He walked me back to my house and we made plans to meet up tomorrow. I think we need a day to spend some quality time together. I need to make it up to him, I am so lucky that he is so understanding about this. Tomorrow we are going to do all his favourite things and he is going to have my full attention for the entire day.

Nothing else will matter, nothing but Daniel.

A/N: So I hope that was ok? I'm going on holidays in two days and I've so much to do, so it's a little rushed but I had to finish it and upload it before I went away. Now I'm gonna be gone for a week (one whole week in the blistering heat of Peurto Rico, YAY!) which means I'll be uploading late next week, we're talking Sunday or Monday here! I know 2-3 days late, not good :( But I do plan to do some writing while I'm gone, so hopefully I can just type it all up and upload the minute I'm back :D  Once again thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

Azzy-was-here