Over The Oxer

Starting Recovery

I sat at the kitchen table in my wheelchair the next morning, still denying that I couldn't walk. I would try to move my legs, but nothing made a single movement. Ocasionally I would push down on my feet only to find the fold underneath me. I sighed and closed my eyes fighting back yet another sob attack. "Are you ready?" my mom said grabbing her purse off the counter. "for?"

"Your physical therapy starts today. I'm going to do all I can to get you back walking, and back riding. And if that means doing therapy everyday then we will do so."

A smile grew on my face. My mother hadn't been nice to me since god knows when. I wasn't going to waste the perfect moment like this.

As the car hummed down the road I felt my phone viberate in my coat pocket. I looked down at the lit screen and saw Tylers name. "You've got to be kidding me" I groaned.

"Hello?"

"Jackie?"

"Yup."

"When is a good time to come see you? I have something to tell you..."

"Did Mac not talk to you? Never."

"But I don't care, I'm coming to see you. Look I know..."

"You did something wrong and you need to apologize for it, but I honestly know the truth. Take your sorry ass somewhere else." and with that being said I hung up. My mom looked over at me with a concerned questioning face. "Tyler" She nodded and let out a small laugh beneath her breathe.

The therapy office was empty, which was a good thing for me, I didn't want anyone to see me like this, even if they had no idea who I was. "Jackie" A nurse said from an open door. My mom pushed me into the room, "Do you need me?" I shook my head, and on my command she left. There were many strange things in the room, a ramp, a flat surface with rails, blocks, a stationary bike. As I was looking around at things I began to realize something, if I was paralyzed, how was I going to move my legs to do anything?

"Right this way." The nurse said opening another door to what looked like an office of some sort. Inside was a man in a black polo that was a bit too small for him, or was he too big for it? He stood and shook my hand, "Jackie, I'm Mr. Collan." he smiled. He sat back down at his desk and folded his arms. "So we're going to dicuss your recovery process." I nodded at him, feeling my throat tighten at the thought of the word recovery. I had heard that word one too many times. "We can preform surgery on your lower have to get feeling back into them, but the stregnthing part is all on you."

"Would it effect me in any way? The surgery.." He smiled lightly. "You like riding I take it?" I nodded. "My sister rides." He said, clearing his throat. "She's a beautiful rider, she rides western pleasure. Its very pretty to watch." He searched his mind for something else to say, "Horses actually saved her life," He shifted uncomfotrbley in his chair, "She hadn't had a great self esteam before. People had bullied her for who she was. It was disgusting. One day we found blood stained razors underneath her bed. She had been cutting herself for weaks. On the day my mother admitted her to the hospital for mental help, I discovered pain pills underneath her bed. The only logical reason I had was that she thought maybe it would numb her mental pain." He paused for moment. "As soon as my mother found the source of her pain we moved. At the time I was in the process of moving into college so I did not see her for a year. When I came back on summer break she had changed for the better. She was hired at the barn she now rides and her looks changed as well. She died her hair  a soft blonde and was wearing brighter, happier clothing. She even found a boyfriend who supported her and kept her head up. But even if he wasn't around..." He looked over at a picture on his desk, "I think she'd still be okay with just her horses." I let my mind wonder after his surgery. It was as if he told a story about me and my struggle. Casper was my rock and I couldn't be without him. I was afraid that if I couldn't ride anymore that I would fall back into the deep pit of depression and let suicidal thoughts choke me till I gave in. "I want the surgery." I blurted out. Mr. Collan looked startled at first as he was in mid sentence. His sea blue eyes stared into mine for a moment and then he nodded. "Very well. Hows tomorrow look for being checked out for the surgery?" I nodded and smiled. "I'll call St.Marrys and have a room ready for you tomorrow."

"Mr. Collan." I said before he picked up his phone. He looked up at me, "I would love to meet your sister sometime. I feel like we would have a lot in common." I smiled.

He called the nurse back in and she pushed me back out to my mother where she sat nose deep in a People magazine. "Well?" She asked as she loaded my wheelchair into the car. "I have to go into St.Marrys tomorrow and be checked out before my surgery." I smiled. She sat in the drivers seat for a moment and then leaned over to hug me. She began to cry into my shoulder. "I just want you to have feeling in your legs again. I want to see you walk down the isle." she sobbed. I felt a lone tear run down my cheek as I rubbed her back. "I will mom, I will"

The next day I arrived at St.Marrys determined to get better. I was brave on the inside, but below my skin my nerves were getting the best of me. I was told not to eat, but I couldn't even they told me I could. Jase walked beside me as my mom wheeled me into the lounge and then walked up to check me in. Jase crouched down in front of me, "You ready?" He rubbed my knees, but of course I could feel nothing. I nodded and smiled the best fake smile I could. He kissed my forehead and moved to the side, holding my hand in his. Even though my mother was pushing me fast down the hallway Jase still strided next to me.

Surgery time came quickly and I layed in my hospital bed waiting for the medication to knock me out. "Jase?" I whispered. He looked down at me and I starred into his eyes. I felt comfort when I saw them, like they some kind of invisble force that wrapped around me and made me feel warm on the inside. "Yeah?" I could feel my body relax as I breathed my last question to him "Will.... will you be here when I wake up?" He smiled and noded, "I promise. I'll be wating with a choclate shake and McDonalds fries." He laughed quitley. I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away from the world. It was quiet, peaceful, and for a moment I thought I had died. But I know I hadn't because as fast I as I drifted away from the world, I began to drift back. And just as promised Jase was next to me, chocolate shake, fries, and a dozen "Get Well Soon." balloons. I smiled slightly as he sat next to my bed reading something on his phone. "Jase." I whispered, unsure how strong I was to speak. His head shot up and he stood, walked over to me and planted his lips atop mine. His hands grabbed the side of my face and pulled it closer. I was a bit shocked as he hadn't kissed me that way, ever. He pulled away and smiled from ear to ear. "It was a success." At first I was confused, what was a success? Then I remembered what I came in here for and I began smiling. "Really?" I could feel excitment building up inside my stomach. I started laughing without control and my arms flew up in the air, and swung around. A slight squeel escaped my mouth and Jase danced around like an idiot like me. I stopped and looked at him, he stopped unsure of why I stopped. I grabbed the covers covering my legs and ripped them away. I could feel the slight breeze on my thighs, I smiled as this was a good sign. I slowly reached my hand down and extened my fingers out. My fingertips trembled in antisipation as they grew closer to my leg. I traced them ontop of my legs and felt a slight tickling sensation. I pressed down and felt my fingers on my legs. Tears built up in my eyes as I rubbed my hands all over my legs. I tried to wiggle my toes and saw a slight movement, which was improvement from nothing. "Jase" I cried. I threw my arms around him over come with great emotion. I heard the sounds of high heels entering the room, I looked behind me to see my mother standing in the doorway. I smiled, and she came running to my bedside. We cried in eachothers arms for what felt like an hour. A doctor knocked on the doorway, he was holding a chart full of papers. Dr. Collan stood behind him his hands close to his mouth. "I'm Dr. Mathews." He said extending out his arm towards me. I took his hand but instead of shaking it I pulled him close and hugged him tightly. He laughed as I released him. I could see tears in his eyes as he began to tell us about the surgery. "I've never been so excited after a surgery." He said. Then Dr. Collan moved into the room more as it was his turn to speak. "We're going to start your physical therapy next week, on tuesday, until then you wll still have to be in your wheel chair. I nodded and listened to his instructions. He began to leave and then stopped in his tracks. "I almost forgot. This is Isabelles number. She said she would love to hear from you as well." He handed me a piece of paper with a number scribbled on it. I smiled and whispered thank you to him. He smiled back and left the room. It was quiet as the nurses prepaired me to leave. Jase had left to go clean my room abit before I arrived home. I was feeling overwhelmed with happy emotions that I coulnd't wait to get home, start therapy, and start riding again.