Perfectly Imperfect

Chapter 3

Author's Notes: So the rating for this will probably be upped come the later chapters, but for now I'll continue to keep it PG-13. At least until Ian makes his first appearance which will be next chapter. ALAS. Just giving a warning that this chapter contains panic attacks, brief suicidal thoughts, and some glossed over voyeurism. Other than that, just all sorts of dysfunctional family shenanigans ensue. Thanks for reading!

   After the wedding, David had gone with the rest of the 'family' to their new home. Although he claimed to be exhausted and went to bed as soon as they got there, it had really been an excuse to escape to his room. He wasn't going to sleep. It might have been the same furniture, bed, and belongings -- but it wasn't his room. This place wasn't his home. He didn't belong here. So what right did he have to fall asleep here?

    He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. A part of him wished to hear Matt's familiar knocking on the window, but not only did his brother not know where he lived...David was pretty sure Matt wouldn't want anything to do with him. He wished he could go back in time and take back what he said. Everything had fallen apart around him, and the one thing David was sure would always remain constant was his relationship with Matt. They were twins. For nine months they shared the same blood, same food, same womb. Theirs was a bond deeper than any other, and in that way, they knew how to hurt each other best.

    David clenched his fist and slammed it into his pillow. Damnit! Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did this have to happen now on top of everything else? Why couldn't Matt have just stayed away from the wedding? David closed his eyes and tried to will his thoughts to stop. He heard the distant bellow of voices downstairs, the chatting and laughing of his new family. His mother and Kenichi should have been out celebrating their honeymoon, but they both had far too many responsibilities and obligations to take the time off to themselves. Listening to them and all their enjoyment, though, David wished they had gone.

    He grabbed his pillow and shoved it over his ears, hoping he would pass out and not have to deal with any of this anymore for a few hours. Instead, he spent those few hours dealing with just that -- tossing over his thoughts and mulling over his situation. The more he thought, the more he began to work himself up until his pulse began to race and he started to find it difficult to breath. No. Nonono. Not now.

    He tossed the covers off, sitting up on the bed. He tried to draw in deep breaths, but his chest tightened against them. David felt as though he was suffocating, and immediately got up -- running to the window and tossing it open. He ripped the screen out so he could stick his head out the window and gulp down the cool, crisp night air. Chills racked his spine, and he was becoming dizzy, but he continued to breath, continued to do his best to calm himself down. And for one brief moment, he realized how easy it would be to jump -- how fast that would end all of his pain and suffering. David recoiled from the thought, snapping his attention up and away from the ground and unintentionally looking at the window across from him.

    Kenichi's home was large and overindulgent. A house that wrapped around itself and protected a large, in ground pool at its center. Because of the design, David had a view of the rooms at the other end of the house -- particularly one window that was at eye level with his. He could see it perfectly -- Mari glowing under the backlight of a lamp. She hadn't pulled the shade, the thought obviously slipping her mind. Perhaps she didn't realize David was there, or perhaps she thought he was actually sleeping. He hadn't turned on the light, after all.

    But regardless of what she thought, David saw her strip out of her dress. He knew he should have looked away, but as she unhooked her bra, his panic had faded into a warm rush of something else. He stared at her, transfixed on her image as she gave him an unknowing striptease -- getting into a satin blue nightie. She disappeared from the window's view for a moment, and then the light was extinguished -- leaving David alone with the shock and arousal of what he'd just seen. Slowly, he pushed himself away from the window, and took the mental image to bed -- drowning in a pit of masturbatory bliss and guilt.