Perfectly Imperfect

Chapter 33

Halloween fell on a Friday that year, and David felt like he was just about the only person who hadn't dressed up at school. That morning, Iris gave him a little bag full of candy, tied up with black ribbon decorated with orange pumpkin designs. She dressed up as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz and teased David to come to her house later, claiming he would love her real Halloween costume. He explained that he was still grounded, even though he was certain his Mom wouldn't have minded him going out on Halloween -- especially when he hadn't been doing much else other than moping around the house.

Having a holiday seemed to be a lot worse than the regular days. Everyone was running on the high of Halloween spirit and sugar. People were happy all around him, and David felt left out because he couldn't join them in their happiness. To make matters worse, the only other people who didn't dress up were Joshua, Ian, Kalel and Anthony -- his whole former group. It made him miss them all the more.

David's dream a few nights ago fucked him up. He thought for a moment that maybe there was a chance for him and Ian to be together again, but when he tried to talk to Ian one day in Biology -- Ian completely brushed him off and ignored him. It made David realize the damage he did couldn't be undone. Him and Ian weren't ever going to be a thing again, and all David could do was cling on to the memories in sadness. He didn't take it well. Even though David thought the realization might help him to come to terms with things and put his focus into making his relationship with Iris work, every day without Ian became progressively worse knowing they would never be together again.

If it wasn't for Matt being around, David would have probably done something to harm himself -- maybe even for good. Matt seemed to know and understand the fragile state his brother was in, and he was there by his side to talk to him, play videogames, and generally keep his mind from going to the dark places it was prone to go. 

That night after dinner, David ignored the bowls of candy his Mom set up and went to his room to lock himself away. He sat there for a few hours before he heard the knock on his window. Relieved, David went over to open it up and let Matt in. "You're late."

"Sorry..." Matt gave a nonchalant shrug as he climbed into the room. "I had some things to take care of."

David nodded, wringing his hands. "It's getting worse, Matt. I'm shaky all the time. I can't concentrate on anything other than how much I fucked up. Ian won't talk to me. He won't even look at me. I'm nothing without him. I thought I could do it. I thought I could be okay. I thought he made me strong enough to be okay without him. But then I realized I'm even weaker than before."

"Slow down. Relax. Breathe." Matt sat on the bed next to David and offered him a cigarette from his pack.

David took it between trembling fingers, trying to listen to his brother's instructions.

Matt offered the lighter, pressing it to the end of David's cigarette before lighting up his own. "You know what I think you need? You need to get out for a while."

"I need to get out for a while...?" David repeated in confusion. 

"Yeah. And I don't just mean running to the park like you did the last time. I mean -- you pretty much know how to drive now. You know where they keep the keys. We can go do something crazy. Like go to a club."