Perfectly Imperfect

Chapter 15

    David hadn't slept at all. He was up the entire night wondering if he should call Ian and try to explain -- even though he wasn't sure what he would explain. It was true, he wanted to be with Ian. His emotions had always been there but became even more skewed as soon as they had started sleeping together. It was also true Ian had told him he didn't want things to get messy, but David thought maybe he had changed his mind. A relationship wasn't getting messy, it was just getting exclusive -- and considering they spent most of their free time together anyway, what would be the harm?

    Unless Ian wasn't exclusive. What if he went and slept with Melanie after he got done being with David? Or worse yet -- someone he didn't even know? They may not have been in a relationship, but it didn't make the thoughts hurt any less. And those were the things he took to bed with him, mulling over hypothetical scenarios and ways to get Ian back. When it became clear sleep wasn't happening, he got up and paced until the sky outside began to lighten and it grew closer to time for school -- time to see Ian.

    He didn't even know whether or not Ian would give him a ride that morning, but he wasn't going to drag his feet when it came to getting ready. He dressed in a rush, heading to the bathroom to brush his teeth and comb his hair, pausing to take in his reflection. The mirror image staring back at him seemed to be the embodiment of his fatigue -- pale with sunken eyes which only made the dark circles stand out starkly. He looked every bit as much of a mess as he felt, but there was nothing he could do about it. He shook his head before returning to his room to collect his book bag. David slung the strap over his shoulder and was prepared to leave when his door swung open. He blinked in surprise, barely registering that the disheveled girl who stood before him in her light pink pajamas was Kalel.

    There were tears streaming down her face and she swallowed hard, extending her hand to show an empty amber bottle. "I need more."

    This distracted him from his own situation, filling him with a mounting concern, "Kalel?" And then he finally registered what she was holding. "Holy shit, Kalel! How much did you take? There were 24 tablets in there!"

    She sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her hand, "I started taking two a day when the pressure was too much. I can't deal with it..." Her eyes flooded, droplets spilling over her cheeks as she looked at him.

    There was such despair in her demeanor and voice, it broke David's heart because he'd been there before; he knew these emotions well. "Shhh..." He stepped forward and enveloped her in his arms, drawing her close. "Shhh. It's okay. Take time away from everything. You still have two weeks before the recital."

    Kalel bawled against his chest, her knees giving out and causing both of them to collapse to the floor. "My whole life is riding on that day. I can't blow it! I can't. I don't have a backup plan if I do..." She looked up at him, her lips trembling. "Everything is so fucked. Please, just get me more. Please."

    David felt as though he shouldn't. He knew it wasn't a good idea. Kalel was using them as a solution, not a crutch. And Ativan wasn't a drug to mess around with. Still, he couldn't stand seeing her this way. So he swallowed his feelings on the matter, biting the inside of his lip. "I'll get a refill, but only if you promise me you won't use it anymore after the recital is over."

    Relief washed over her damp face, "Thank you..."

    "Promise me," he remained firm.

    "Yes," she brought her hands up to wipe her eyes. "I promise."

    David took the empty pill bottle from her hands, "Good. Now hurry up and get dressed. You're gonna be late."

    Kalel shook her head rapidly, climbing up to her feet. "I'm not going. I can't go like this. I'm such a mess, I can't concentrate. I can't even see straight. And I can't see Anthony this way..." There was a quiver in her voice that hinted at something more. Were they having problems? "Can you and Ian hang back a bit just so you can tell him I'm not gonna make it? He should be here any minute otherwise I'd call him."