Then and Now (?)

Library

    I sign in at the little sheet in front of the librarians desk. "Hello dear, how are you?" I smiled back the the old lady. "I'm okay, just a little stressed with all this school stuff." I admitted. A little was an understatement.
   I'll explain the library's layout: tall shelves as soon as you walk in, a group of tables to your right after you reach the librarians desk, to your left the book shelves continue and then there's a back corner where the books end and there's just one lonely chair by something like a huge bay window.
That chair, is my chair.
    This is where I come to escape school or reality; most of the time it's both.
    I half-ass jogged to my seat in the back corner. I was glad it was quiet today in the library. Normally it was crowded because of study hall and such, but today was friday and it was the day before break. I sighed. I can't believe its already break. I put in my earbuds and turned up the music again. I brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs that were curled up in the chair now.
     I jumped when I felt someone tap my arm. "Can we talk?" I looked up, and it was Jake.
   "Um. Sure." I answered hesitantly. I get out of the chair, pulling my earbuds back out, and go to sit in the corner of the window as he slides into position in front of me.
   "How'd you know were I was?" I asked. He smiled shyly. That damn fucking smile. I tried to keep my face blank.
   "If you're asking honestly, I remembered." He admitted. I looked down at my hands and started to resume my position as before.
    I looked up at him. "Why? Why come back now? You said that you'd never come back." I questioned. I had so many questions and honestly I was scared to hear the answers.
He looked at me, dead in the eyes, and said, "Because being away and not being able to see you hurts a hell of a lot more than you fucking think. It sucks, not seeing someone you love smile, even if it isn't because of you." He dropped his gaze to my arms that were locked around my legs. He started to move closer.
      "You said you didn't love me anymore. You said you didn't care about me. You even told Eli that I was just a toy for you to play around with because you knew you had me wrapped around you goddamned pinky and every other fucking finger." I half-yelled. I felt my eyes start to tear up. I took a deep breath. Jake looked at me. "Em, do you honestly believe I meant any of that?" He asked quietly.
    I gaped at him. "What. The. Hell." I laughed a little, and shook my head. He went to stand up and I got up and stood in front of him.
       He got up, towering over me. I look up and I feel my lips part as my breath comes out. I pushed him back in his seat and I suddenly felt all the anger.
     "Do you know how many times I cried, after I found out what happened? After you left? Do you know how many times I sat a d drank bottle after bottle? Do you know that I couldn't fucking eat? Huh? Do you know that I had my stomach pumped twice? Do you understand that you're the only person I've ever let get to know me like that? Do you know how much I fucking missed you? Hell, or how much I still miss you?!" I raised my voice, but not much. I realized I was in his face and he had this blank look on his face. My heart is racing. I've been wanting to do that for a while now.
      As I started to back away, he grabbed my waist and pulled me to where my thighs were in between his while he was still sitting in the window. I wasn't expecting that.
      "Emily, god I'm so sorry. I- I knew things were going to be bad but I never thought..." he trailed off as his voice started to get thick. "I'm so fucking sorry. I really am. I never thought that you'd actually miss me, after all that I said." He looked up at me; his eyes brimming on tears.
     I felt my throat tighten. Please don't cry. If he cries then I'm going to cry.
     The next thing I knew I was being pulled in by him as his arms wrap around my waist. His head is bowed, and against my stomach. I stop and stare at him. I put my hands on his back, and ran my fingers through his hair.
   "Hey, hey now, don't cry. I'm sorry for yelling, it's not your fault Jake." I tried to soothe him. I felt his body start to shake a little. I scooted closer, then his grip get tighter. "I- I di-didn't kn-know that y-you had..." he started to cry hard. I backed up some and lifted up his chin so he had to look at me. His eyes were red as I wiped away the tears. "Jake, please. It's okay. I'm sorry for snapping." I apologized, keeping my voice calm. I fixed his messy hair from where his head was against my stomach. He kept looking at me. God he looked so lost and torn up. I knew I looked concerned and I didn't care. I backed up, falling into the chair.
   "Fuck." I mumbled. I got my phone out of my pocket and looked at the time; I had ten minutes. It was almost the end of the day.
I really don't want to go home. It's not even a fucking home. It's literally an apartment with a bed, couch, a table,and two old wooden chairs. 

    Jake and I just sat and stared at each other,  not knowing what else to do or say. The bell rang and we both got up and walked out the library doors together; but we ended up walking separate ways like we always do. I stopped at the corner for a moment and paused, turning around to see him do the same thing at the end of the hallway. I took a breath, and pushed through the doors forgetting about the last time the scene happened.