My Perverted Boyfriend (ManxMan| School-life) Short Story

Chapter #5| His confession

I sat on a park bench waiting for the taxi to arrive, I made a fool out of myself and I know I made Logan angry or worried or maybe both. I enjoyed the lifestyle, I fantasies about it and reading books containing BDSM made it seem so real. I wasn't brave enough to even do a little research until recently, I guess what triggered it is discovering Logan practice BDSM. I couldn't understand why he wasn't open about it, we shared everything together and yet entering BDSM I learnt new things about Logan. I didn't want to ruin our friendship, even after all of this I am afraid things won't be the same, we'll be different since we had history together.

Why did we have sex?

Why did I allow it to happen?

"Don't ever do that to me again" said Logan. Unable to respond I look down playing with a leaf I picked from the ground.

"Why did you run away?" he asked and sit beside me.

"J-Just overwhelmed, that's all" I replied.

"Don't lie to me Micky, never lie to me" he says. If he doesn't want me to lie then why doesn't he do the same. Why doesn't he explain his actions, the way he kiss and hold me meant something more than a one night stand. What confused me more is the constant sleepless nights dreaming about Logan, it all started after accidently walking in on him having sex with a stranger.

"Talk to me love, I hate seeing you like this" he says. Would he understand how I feel? I guess it wasn't BDSM that confused me, it's us.

"I am just confused how I feel and also the change of our relationship" I replied

"I knew you weren't ready that's why I didn't tell you about BDSM" he says. He doesn't understand, I don't want to argue about this.

"It's not about BDSM Logan, it's about us. Of course I am overwhelmed with the lifestyle, I am new and it takes time to get use to doesn't mean I have second thoughts. I am confused about our friendship, you're my best friend and friends don't have sex with each other. Everything just doesn't make sense to me" I replied

"You shouldn't be confused Micky and it shouldn't worry you" he says.

"What's that suppose to mean? We suddenly have sex so of course I'll be confused and worried, this never happened before and yet you don't explain your actions. I don't understand my own emotions and actions either, this attraction I have towards you and I question whether is just lust or something more" I said

"I am sorry you feel that way Micky, I allowed my love get the best of me and wasn't aware of your feelings" he said

"Y-You love me?" I dared to ask.

"I do love, for a long time and I forced myself to forget about my feelings. I was afraid confessing would ruin our friendship and it's my fault you have those doubts. I thought sleeping with none claimed submissive would help me forget but I was wrong" he replies. I tried to contain my tears, we aren't a couple so there's no need for me to be upset about it.

So why does my heart hurt so much?

*****

We drove home in silence, I have a lot to think about and his confession made things more complicated. In the past  I would always feel jealous when he brings random men to our house, we both were so close I thought I simply didn't want to share my best friend and didn't think it was an issue. It hurts knowing the reason why he kept bringing strangers home and my emotions is all over the place.

"Why now Logan? Why did you confess now?" I asked. He parked the car on the drive way and turned off the engine.

"I wanted you to know Micky, you deserve to know how I feel and I didn't want to continue lying to myself either" he says.

"It hurts me Logan, I felt like a wh*re and used because that's all we do is have sex. I felt ashamed how my body responded and my mind will go blank from the pleasure. I feel like I am different person when I'm around you, this isn't who I am Logan and it scares me" I replied.

"Never feel ashamed how your body responds, liking sex doesn't change you Micky and BDSM helps you explore the sexual side you didn't know exist. I apologise for making you feel that way, it wasn't my intention. I guess I took the only opportunity to love you and your body, I was blinded only caring what I wanted" he said

I wasn't sure what to think, his confession make me more confused. Since he realised what his feelings truly meant then what about mine? The jealously doesn't die down remembering the men he f*cked, I'll wondered what would it be like if I was in their position but as I continue ignoring my emotions the pain in my heart doesn't ease.

Do I like him?

Or is it love?

"I-I think I-I feel the same way but I can't be certain just yet. I-I can't live without you Logan, just thinking about it makes me feel sick. I-I'll need time to realise my true feelings and I just hope this type of relationship doesn't ruin us, I am afraid things will be different if something does wrong" I replied. All the worry and sadness vanished when I saw his smile and I didn't want to lie to him and myself either.

"Now I need to call Eden, they're worried about you" said Logan. He dialled Eden's number and within the first ring he answer. I giggled hearing Eden scolding Logan, he reminds him to not pressure me with his feelings and BDSM. I apologised for running out of the club without an explanation.