Phan One Shots

This I Love

On Saturday, November 16th, I woke up to an empty bed. I stretched my arms far across the empty space next to me in confusion, hoping to find Dan laying next to me. I proceeded to open my eyes slowly, not wanting the harsh rays of sunshine shining through my window to hit my delicate morning eyes. I sat up on my bed and rubbed my tired eyes while inspecting my surroundings. It seemed suspiciously quiet for a Saturday morning. But on that day, everything seemed a bit, off? I couldn't point my finger on what exactly made me feel uneasy. Was it the fact that I hadn't woken up next to a sleeping Dan cuddled up against my chest? Or was it fact that our room seemed a bit, empty? I was too tried to process all of the information all at once.

Dan's not sleeping next to me, the room seems empty; as if lacking items? No-no it can't be, can it? Dan wouldn't do that to me. Dan wouldn't get up and leave me alone to drown in loneliness, would he? Of course not. That's not the Dan I met. That's not the Dan I let become a huge part of my life. Dan was loving, caring, and selfish in his own ways. He didn't like to share me with other people and he certainly didn't like men who he thought he had to compete with around me. He wanted me all to himself as did I.

I got out of bed and opened up our closet only to find his side empty. I frantically ran to his drawers to see nothing but an empty box. Tears started to stream down my face as I looked around every single one of his spaces where he kept his personal belongings.

Box where he kept his shoes? Empty.
Drawer that held his hair products?
Empty.
Nightstand where he kept his laptop?
Empty.
Everything. Was. Fucking. Empty.

I dropped down to the floor and lowered my head down as I began to scream out in pain. I have never experienced so much pain in my entire life. It felt as if my heart was physically tearing apart in two worthless pieces. There was a lump in my throat that made it difficult for me to breathe properly. Hundreds of years blurred my vision which made the situation a whole lot worse.

I searched and tore the house  apart, inch by inch, looking for any sign of a letter or a clue to where and why he has gone away. I wish he would've told me that he wanted to break up and move out. Then again, I don't think I would've taken the situation much better. I think the look in his eyes should've given me a warning. He didn't look at me with love and appreciation with those beautiful brown eyes of his. His eyes didn't light up every time he saw me in the morning anymore.

Dan knew me the best, and I think he knew what he was doing when he left me without a proper warning or explanation. He knew I would've torn myself apart from ever edge, worse than I am now.

I didn't move out, or changed my numbers, or changed my routine, just hoping, that maybe, he still cared like I did. I waited and waited for months in hopes that he would regret his decision and come crawling back into my safe arms like I wanted to. Sadly, that time never came around. Slowly, but surly, I gave up on every last bit of hope that kept me together. I finally moved out of the apartment that only brought nightmares and heartache. The apartment that reminded me of the good times that are once no more. The same apartment I created and built a life with the person I truly loved the most and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

If anyone were to ask me if I still loved him, the answer would be yes. I am sure he would say the same. Maybe we don't love each other in a romantic way anymore but we were both such an important part of each other's lives that it seems quite impossible to easily forget all about it. I know I could never, ever, stop loving Dan. It seems pretty idiotic to waste so much time and effort on a person, only to end up giving up on them, and themselves.

Dan will always hold a special place in my heart, just for him; just for us. I searched for happiness in every place I could look in and only managed to find it when I was staring into his loving eyes. There is no one out there who could compare to Dan and make me feel the way that he did.

"Dan," I whispered to no one in particular, "I love you so much. I wish we could've stayed together but I understand, and hope, that it was for a good reason. God knows I would wreck myself if I found out you left me for someone better. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy. I wish the best for you, and your new found life."

(A/n I wrote this in half an hour bc I was inspired by Guns N' Roses' song. Thanks for reading. Maybe Dan's  POV??)