Always As You Say (Book One In The Waven Series)

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A/N Don't forget to comment!

Going home was like waking up, and all I wanted was to fall asleep again.

Anthony was exactly the same, staying in the same spot doing the same thing. The only thing that had changed since I returned was the girl he was with, and while I'm sure she was nice, for all the attention I paid her she may as well have been the same person. Either way, I couldn't seem to bring myself to care.

I couldn't bring myself to care about anything really, no matter how long it had been.

It was almost as though life had lost its splendor, and nothing could make an impression any longer.

Now that doesn't mean I stopped functioning, I didn't. I still drew, and drank, and fucked, but it wasn't the same anymore.

My drawings lost the emotion that made me love them so much, and usually I would end up redoing what I had previously created, in a far more lackluster setting.

I drank to get drunk, only ever that. And it worked, usually. I'd drink so much I forgot how to talk, how to think or care. And when it didn't work? Well then I would drink from the citzens, drown myself in their blood, in the sorrow, the joy that flowed within it.

And I'd fuck.

I'd fuck women, men, and I'd keep doing it until I couldn't move, or they couldn't move, and then I'd leave.

I'd tie them up, or get them to tie me down, and I'd hurt and be hurt so often it was impossible not to realize that The Waven was right, I did like the pain. I searched for what he had been for me.

Fought so hard to be what he had been for me.

I knew that it wasn't the best way to go, even I could see that. But I also knew, that pain was the only way I would be able to get myself to care again, to stop being so absolutely numb.

I had too. Had to stop the emptiness in my chest before it consumed me, before what I felt that day with Veronica became permanent.

Even Anthony couldn't seem to reach me, and so eventually he just stopped trying, preferring to occupy himself with the random strangers that would trapeze through our house, few ever making a reappearance.

Even as I think these words, another is following him through our hallway, barely clothed and hanging from his limbs, as he looks at me, the space between his eyes wrinkled in concern. But less than a moment later, it is gone, and he is dragging the girl to his rooms.

Honestly it was exhausting, seeing him so full of life and worry, while here I was lying on the floor in the middle of my living room, looking like a bad party threw up on me. Hell, under all the alcohol I'm pretty sure there was a naked girl, and if there wa-

Yep definitely was, and she was very, let's call it direct, and even though I wasn't exactly in the mood, even though sex was the farthest thing from my mind, I let her drag me along to my rooms in Anthony fashion. That is to say, utterly wasted and completely unaware or concerned who was under me, so long as someone was.

~~~~~~~~~

"That was fun. Call me if you're ever feeling, lonely again." The man who spoke was beautiful, charming and an extraordinarily good lover, but that didn't change the fact that I wasn't going to call him. Hell, I had already forgotten his name.

As I walked him to the door, we passed Anthony on the couch, and immediately stopped walking.

Maybe it was an overreaction, my anonymous companion certainly seemed to think so, based on the look on his face as I stood there gaping.

It really wasn't a big deal, I'm not sure why I had that reaction, but I couldn't help it.

It was the same girl, the same fucking girl as last night, and now that I think about it, the same one for a while.

And yeah, maybe I should have been happy for him, but I wasn't, and I didn't know why.

Maybe I still thought it was to soon, but then, it's been centuries, literally, since Amara died. If it was too soon now, would it ever have been long enough?

"You alright Nik?" He was teasing, he knew what was wrong, and that it was ridiculous.

"Uh, yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'm just going to walk, him to his car." God I had to remember his name.

Anthony raised his eyebrows at that, "Him left about five minutes into your gawking."

"Oh." Yeah, because I wasn't embarrassed enough.

"Yeah, oh." He couldn't hold back a grin, and so I got to see how his face lit up with laughter, how his companion curled towards him.

"The two of you haven't been formally introduced yet, have you?"

"No, I don't believe we have."

"Well, then I guess I'll have to introduce you! Bree, you remember Nik, don't take his forgetfulness personally, it's just who he is. And Nik, if you hadn't already guessed, this is Bree. Bree, Im really glad that were doing this, because Nik is-"

"Someone who has to leave, sorry." His face fell.

"Oh. Alright, see ya later than, I guess." He said.

And here was where I was supposed to feel bad for leaving, for not even giving this girl a chance, but I just couldn't.

Couldn't even get myself to be upset by the disappointment and worry on his face.

Because, however normal things seemed to be, I hadn't forgotten. Still felt that emptiness in the place where my joy once came from, my love, not quite to the point I would need though, for that emptiness still hadn't reached my core.

More to the point, I still wanted to kill him, The Waven. Wanted to rip him up and tear him down, but not yet. I wasn't quite ready yet, though I knew I would be. There was just something I had to do first.

And as I looked at Anthony's face, even as cold as I had become, I dreaded it.