Always As You Say (Book One In The Waven Series)

15

I am a horrible friend.

Oh god he looks so broken. I hate it, he doesn't deserve to have that look on his face.

But I had to. I had to show him that I was done now, I had to show both of them. And that meant finally coming home, finally letting myself come back here.

"Anthony."

He took a deep breath in, and looked at me with eyes made just to drown in, "It'll be fine Nik. Just, just take her to the cellar. I'll get something to eat."

"We should talk about it."

"If you're allowed to keep whatever made you do that to yourself, then we don't have to talk about this either." He said.

Really? Well that's not fair at all. I had a temporary lapse in character and judgment, and this is about preventing him from doing the same.

"Fine. I'm going to take Ronnie to the cellar, though I would prefer it if you came and helped secure her." I try and judge his reaction from the corner of my eye but it's like he's wearing a mask.

He just nods and, hesitating a moment at the cellars entrance, leads the way down the steps.

It's musty in here, and clearly no one has been in since we left.

Oh god, does that mean no one moved her? Did Anthony move her, or did she just, rot here? And what if he did? What if he had to move the only person he ever loved into some unmarked grave?

Did he mark it? Probably, seeing as she is not here and therefore had to have been moved. I don't think either of us will be visiting either way.

I put Ronnie down, gently mind you, into one of the corners of the room.

"I changed my mind. Perhaps you should get something to eat after all." All said without my eyes ever leaving Ronnie, my little runt.

He didn't say a word, just left silently. I was grateful for that.

"You probably hate me now huh? I can't blame you really, I hate myself too. Although my reasons most definitely differ from yours.

See you will and most likely already do hate me for what I did to your people. You shouldn't have torn up my city is all I can say to that.

But me, I hate myself for what I did to you, for what I did with him. It was stupid and monstrous and also slightly masochistic, so really shouldn't be all that suprising coming from me. And I'm sorry.

Which is why we're here. So you can get your anger out on me as I did with them, with him.

I've locked the cellar door. Anthony won't be able to stop you if you really want to hurt me, and I cannot let myself free.

The door will unlock automatically at the light of day, and if you have decided your still not done with me then. Well I won't be in any shape to stop you from locking it once more."

I got up, trailing chains in my wake, and locked myself into Amara's chosen spot.

It was at the very center, with chains from all four corners in my arms and ones from out the floorboards for my feet.

And there I stood in wait until,

"Nik? What are you doing? Why are you?

Oh so what then? You think that I won't hurt you? I will, a thousand times over I will." Her voice quivered as she spoke, belaying the calm she was trying to exude as she stood there.

"Then do it already Ronnie. I'm here so that you can. Anything you want. Tear me to shreds, kill me, I don't care. Just do it before daybreak, or Anthony will try to stop you."

She looked utterly confused, and at the mention of Anthony finally took in her surroundings.

Her eyes widened in realization, recognizing immediately the place I had drawn over and over, all in moments of darkness with him standing over us, each depiction more menacing than the last.

Each closer to the truth.

She noted my shackles, and the bars, ropes and chains left off to the side.

She grabbed a chain first. The one with spikes on the ends, that dug into Amaras shins, the pain slowing the change.

Striking at random she went on for hours, the pain becoming an unbearable thing.

Breathing is so difficult. I can't believe I almost forgot what it felt like.

To be whipped and cut open.

Next she grabbed up a bar. It used to be nailed into the earth, nailed into her feet, back before she got better control.

This was evident in the rusted nails that dug into my neck as she hit over and over, never slowing at the screams that began to tear through me.

"Nik! Nik what's going on down there? Why is the door locked." Anthony was banging against it, trying to get it open as The Waven once had.

Why did it feel like he was here? Like I was there being whipped, being bled.

I couldn't see anymore, my eyes had sealed shut and my head was throbbing so hard I couldn't think.

Couldn't distinguish past from present.

I could almost feel him there, see him smirking down at me. The nails in the bar turned into the nails on his hands, tearing me open until there was nothing left to be torn.

Until I was a sobbing mess of bones and bleeding with no way left to hurt.

Dimly I could hear Anthony banging on the door, throwing his whole self at it to try and bust it down.

But that's not right, he wasn't there. He didn't bang on doors and fall to the ground. He didn't sob or beg The Waven to stop. He wasn't there, I didn't let him be there, so why was he here now?

Oh yes, this is different, those aren't fingers they're whips, those aren't fingernails they're real nails. I wasn't forced here I offered.

This is different. This is different!

It just feels the same.