Always As You Say (Book One In The Waven Series)

19

It hurt.

Okay yeah, of course it hurt. I walked into fucking fire, but I didn't think it would bother me that badly.

I was starting to smell like them. Like these burning people and burning houses. And I could feel the skin peeling off.

I saw them all. Saw Veronica and saw Anthony. Amara and The Waven.

And I knew it wasn't enough. The fire couldn't fix me, not if I couldn't accept it, not when my mind had retreated into this place where nothing changed and nothing mattered.

Where I knew I was in pain, but only abstractly. I knew that it hurt, I could feel it, and yet I kept walking anyhow.

Through streets and through shops, past homes and other buildings, and I burned.

I remember painting that. It was gorgeous once upon a time, now it just seems tacky and overdone.

I'm glad that it will burn here with me.

The hair. Have you ever smelt burnt hair? It's awful really, and I think that might be the scent. Not oil and rowan but hair, so sickeningly sweet and ever cloying. A scent that suffocates you, drowns you.

Anthonys eyes could drown me.

I miss him, I said it. That must have been obvious, though. He left and everything went toxic, just as he said it would. I miss him. So much I miss him.

The Waven too. He never would have allowed me to do this. To hurt him, burn my paintings. Not that it did very much. They were everywhere after all, from Vienna to Vegas all hung up on walls.

He loved them, thought they were the only good thing to come of my leaving. Maybe that's why I hate them so much.

My eyes are gone now, and my cheeks sunken in. The flesh finished burning ages ago.

I think I might lie down now, walking is difficult when you run out of leg.

Yes that's better, I lay down on the concrete, which really shouldn't feel cold, and see people fallen and dead now, there's no one left but me to go.

Oh, maybe not.

I see someone, still walking, and headed straight for me. Did they see me light the fire? Oh well, not much they can do about it now if they had.

As they get closer I try to make out a face, but suddenly everything is rather slow and the lights have dimmed.

Faster, they're going faster, as though they don't want to miss me. I'd laugh at them if I could, it's too late, I'm already gone.

They stumble and fall, finally taking in their surroundings, breath catching in horror, reaching for the bodies.

I do laugh this time. And yes I know that I shouldn't, and death isn't funny and all, but come on!

It was down right comical to see. Their arms flailing, their sobbing. Do they even know any of these people? Probably not but who cares.

They look up at my laughing and I can see that they are a she. A very pretty, rather blurry but still, very pretty she.

She's right up to me now, and pulling me away.

That's not fair, I'm not dead yet. Pull the dead away first.

That way there is something left to be buried.

All the bodies, some children lived here. I killed them, I killed them all. All these people, they were my neighbors.

We'd lived here for years, known them for years, and I killed them.

Burnt them just as he had.

I wish that I cared more.

"You're not dying here Nik, I won't let you. I'm sorry, alright, I am. But you don't get to die yet."

Oh yay, it's Veronica. Maybe she'll take me back. Or better still, put me back in the cellar and make me better.

That's what he did. Not on purpose, I don't think, but just the thought of being like him was always enough to snap me back. Maybe-

No. No that won't happen.

I don't hate her I love her, I won't be repelled.

"Nik come on then, get up! I can't drag you forever you're too heavy for that." She was pleading, which I guess should have meant something, but I couldn't really see her anymore, and I certainly couldn't move.

~~~~~~~~~

"Please come back, I hate when he's like this." I could hear her very clearly, though who she was speaking to I had no idea.

"Yes I know what you said, and I know what you mean but, well, we had a bit of a fight.

No no, nothing like that. It was, err, I can't really tell you, I'm not really sure. Things have gotten out of hand and I'm not sure what to do.

He tried to burn himself alive, did burn a whole city, it's not normal.

Alright so maybe the city isn't that abnormal for him, but this? Hurting himself, that isn't Nik, least it wasn't.

Thank you! I know you don't like me too much so this really-

Yes, yes for him. Thank you from him then. Though I guess it isn't all that suprising with how much you love him.

You and I both know that isn't all that it is. It's more, otherwise you wouldn't be coming.

Well alright then! You don't have to be rude, not when you know that I'm right.

I'll see you when you get here. Don't freak out too much, he looks a little, well scary.

Alright.

I'll see you then." She hung up on whoever it was, coming over to check on me.

Pretending to sleep again, so that I wouldn't have to try to hold a conversation, I felt her hand on my cheek and her lips on my forhead.

I get that it was supposed to be kind but my face still hurts quite a bit.

After I noticed she wasn't about to leave I decided to drift off for real, almost missing her speech.

"You're really lucky Nik. Lucky I came and saved you, and. And lucky that you're a vampire so there was something left to save.

I know things have been bad,

I want to fix it.

And I'm sorry. Sorry that I ever did that," she choked up, "ever hurt you. Ever acted in a way that made you think it was okay to do this.

I'm so so sorry Nik."

I'm glad now that I was pretending to be asleep. I didn't want to have to say anything to that.

She thinks this is her fault. It isn't.

I don't want to be like him, never want to be like him. And yet, in so many ways, I already am.

My love is poisonous, corruptive. Just like his and because of it.