Always As You Say (Book One In The Waven Series)

30 (I've never written anything this long before)

Their voices were grating.

Their screams and crys dug their way into my skin, leaving me feeling as though something was crawling there. Living inside of my flesh.

So I ripped their tongues out, taped their mouths shut and walked away.

It had been going on for a few weeks now, I had been leaving our home every few days, always with the purpose of hurting someone else.

Anthony didn't know of course, if he ever found out then I'm sure it wouldn't go over very well. Hell, it might even upset him enough for him to notice that yes, I do still exist.

He already looked at me like I was a stranger, all because I hadn't acknowledged the girl on our couch that day, the girl who was somehow still here, completely obliterating the conclusions I had come to about who Anthony was.

I couldn't bare to find out how he would look at me if he knew what I had been doing. Because no matter how much he and I had been through, no matter what he had already seen me do, he had a limit, and I assumed that senseless murder and torture would be it. He wouldn't understand that it wasn't senseless, that I had to do this.

Because I wasn't strong enough, it was as simple as that. I wasn't strong enough, at least not mentally, to kill The Waven.

And I couldn't allow that, couldn't be weak when it came to this. Honestly, I didn't really know why I was.

I had killed before, had tortured and maimed and I had never so much as hesitated, but now.

Now it was him I had to kill, and even the thought of it turned my stomach. Yeah he deserved it but, I loved him, or I had anyhow and that was enough to still my hand.

And I knew, knew that as long as I was capable of love, I wouldn't be able to hurt him, let alone kill him.

But the thing was, I didn't love The Waven, I loved someone else, loved Anthony, and nothing could ever make me stop loving him. Nothing except maybe, death.

And I know, I know, if I wasn't able to kill The Waven then how the hell did I think I could convince myself to hurt Anthony?

Well that's what this was for, I had to get to the point where I was low enough to feel numb, had to find that calm that allowed me to black out, to hurt Veronica and return to The Waven, and if I couldn't get there through anger I would get there the only other way I ever had. By losing myself in the haze of pain and death. By letting him see me as I did.

And he would, eventually he would know exactly what I was doing. He would catch me as I did, and he would hate me for it.

And then, I would kill him.

~~~~~~~~~

"I know you don't understand, it's unfair of me to ask you too." The blade I held switched hands, dripping blood as it moved, bringing fear as it traced her slender neck. "But you see, I have to do this, for my own sake and for the sakes of many others.

You have to die so that I can gain the strength to make sure no one else will, at least not by his hand." She whimpered, and as inappropriate as it was I couldn't help but recall how I used to love that sound.

The sound of someone so in pain, so filled with fear that they couldn't scream, could only stand there and make pathetic little noises as though that would help them at all.

I dug the knife in deeper, if only to see how much fight she had left in her, which as it turns out wasn't much at all.

She was beyond talking, and even when I had the knife down to her bone only made the slightest of sounds.