True Love Always Finds Its Way // Phan

Chapter 10: Dear Diary #2

Dear Diary,

So much has changed since the last time I wrote to you.

I proposed to Sarah on Christmas Day. It was so romantic and it felt so amazing to make her so happy.

But everything changed on New Year's Eve. Sarah and I talked and decided that we should tell Dan that we were looking to buy a house for ourselves and potentiality our future family. I wanted to tell him so that we could enter into the new year with no secrets. But I definitely should've told him sooner.

He lashed out at me and said so many hurtful things. I also snapped and said some things that I deeply regret. I told Dan that I wish I never met him. I know, it's horrible! It hurts me so much just thinking about it. I can't blame him for getting upset, though. I have been moving forward pretty quickly and I would always just assume that he was okay with everything. Truth is, I was in such a rush to move on from Dan, that I wasn't even sure that what I was doing was making me happy.

I packed my suitcase and walked out. Sarah walked out as well. I don't really want to talk about what happened with her. It hurts too much. I'm holding her engagement ring in my hand right now and it makes me start to cry. I wish she didn't feel so guilty about all of this. None of this is her fault. I miss her so much. I wish everything would go back to normal. I wish everything felt as good as it did on Christmas. This year wasn't off to a good start.

I'm currently staying in a hotel for the night. Tomorrow I'll try to find Sarah. I hope she's alright. I hope Dan's alright too. He's been pretty hurt by all of this and I just need him to be okay. I want to be making a video with him about the brand new year right now. I want my best friend back.

I wish Dan knew how I felt. That wasn't me who yelled at him like that. That was Angry-And-Hurt Phil. I never want to be that Phil again. I love Dan. Meeting him was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm so proud and happy to have him in my life. Or I guess I mean that I had him in my life.

I can't believe Dan would make me choose between him and Sarah. I couldn't possibly do that! Dan is my best friend, and I still believe that Sarah is the true love of my life. How could anyone possibly choose between that?! I feel like those characters in the movies who have to pick between cutting the red wire or the black wire. I hate being in this situation and I don't know which wire is the right one!

Well I'm going to try and go to sleep. I hope this huge mess gets fixed soon. I hate seeing all of these people that I love and care about so much, be so hurt. I just hope that no one ever has to feel this type of pain and sadness that I feel right now.

Goodnight,

Phil