The Bad Girl and The Good Boy

Chapter Eleven: Stay Away

Heyo Heyo Heyo Heyo! Thank you so much for reading my book! I recently noticed that I've been getting less reads in my recent chapters. Please tell me if I'm boring you! Thank you! Oh! And please check out my new book, "Taken Away!" Thank you!
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Melissa

I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, those memories would come rushing back. I'm a monster really. I killed a man, let Charlie die, ignored my dad. I'm a horrible human being. I honestly think I deserve to die. I deserve to die and be spat on. I stared at the hospital ceiling. I'm not scared anymore. I'm ready to die. Maybe if I die, I'll stop feeling guilty. Forever.

Think of it as a favour to the world. I can already see the headlines of the paper after my death. Monster Found Dead In Hospital or Monster Finally Gets Deserved Death. Jordan was such a good friend. He didn't deserve a fuck up like me. Sure I don't do drugs and smoke but I like to do illegal things. I like to race for money and I like to screw with boys. No wonder no one loves me. I'm a fuck up. Alex probably only wants me for sex but he already has Vanessa for that.

I'm a failure. I'm pretty sure my mom's disappointed in me. Charlie's probably watching over me, shaking his head at how much of a fuck up his sister is. I couldn't protect him. For weeks, I ignored him, not caring at all. I'm a monster. I have no consideration towards anyone's feelings. A year fell down my cheek.

How much pain have I brought to people? I killed a man, made people scared of me, failed to protect Charlie and I was an ass to my dad.

I could still feel the tangy taste of the orange in my mouth. I wanted to eat poison and die. I wanted to stab myself and die. I wanted to die. Maybe I could compensate for my sins then. It's late at night. I'm still thinking of the man I shot. I'm thinking of Charlie and Dad. I miss them. I also miss the man I shot. I didn't care he was going to probably kidnap me and rape me, not that he wasn't about to. No one deserves death. I do though. I took a mam's life, I failed to save one and I let a man down. Soon Jordan will realise how much of a fuck up I am.

How can I protect Jordan from me? How can I protect Jordan from the monster inside me? Ah. I should cut ties with him. That's right. I'll call him and tell him I don't want to be his friend anymore and then I'll delete his number. He can't know about the monster inside me. It's about three am right now. It's Sunday morning. I'll call Jordan in about seven hours and then I'll break things off. I need to protect him from me. I'll only hurt him. I'll only let him down.

Maybe I should try to sleep. I deserve the nightmares. I closed my eyes, trying to drift off to sleep.

When I woke up, my face was wet and a concerned Jordan was looking at me.

"Hey...it's okay, I'm here for you." Jordan whispered. I knew I must've had a nightmare.

"Why are you here?" I asked, sniffling. I rubbed my tears away.

"Wow...I'm so hurt. Did you not want me here?" Jordan held a hand to his heart. I panicked. I'm already hurting him.

"N-no! I didn't mean it like that! I...sorry..." I said.

"Haha, you're so cute." Jordan said and ruffled my hair. I blushed. Maybe I should stay friends with him. I shook my head.

No! I can't! I'll only hurt him. Vanessa and Alex might hurt him too if he hangs around me.

"Uhh...listen Jordan...I have something to tell you." I said, nervously wringing my hands together.

"Really? What is it?" He asked.

I sighed. Time to bring out the fake hatred in me.

"I don't want to your friend anymore." I said, giving him a glare. Good, good, you're doing good.

It hurts to say this though.

Ahhh...my inner, emotionally weird self.

Yeah, it hurts.

"W-what do you mean?" Jordan asked. He looked hurt. I'm sorry.

"I meant I don't want to be your fiend anymore!" I yelled. I'm sorry.

Please don't believe me. I'm lying.

No, you know you have to protect him from yourself. Who knows what you're doing to do.

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Jordan asked, panic sketched across his face. I'm sorry.

No you didn't do anything wrong Jordan. I did. I'm the one at fault here. I'll only hurt you. I'm sorry.

"Yes! You're so gosh darn annoying! Your stupid little sister and your elder brother are annoying too!" I spat. I'm sorry.

I wanted to cry so bad. But I couldn't.

"I'm sorry! I-I don't know what I did wrong! Please, tell me what I did!" Jordan pleaded. He tried to touch my should but I slapped his arm away and screamed at his face.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. It wasn't because I didn't want him to touch me. I was scared I would've hurt him if he touched me. I've never felt this dangerous in my life before. I've never felt so alone.

Jordan flinched.

"Ma'am? Is everything alright?" A nurse rushed in. I needed to get him out of here before I started crying.

"No! Please get him out of here!" I yelled and pointed at Jordan. I watched  two doctors drag him out of the room.

"I'm sorry! I don't know what I did wrong but I'm sorry!" Jordan yelled. When he disappeared, I buried my face into my pillow and cried.

"Can you hear me Charlie? It hurts so bad." I whispered into the pillow. "I'm protecting him but it hurts me."

I'll never forgive myself. Jordan was an awesome friend, a beautiful boy. He didn't deserve someone like me. Someone who would only taint him.

My phone vibrated. I looked at it to see it was a text from Jordan.

Jordan: Vanessa's right. You act without reasoning. Goodbye Melissa Evans. Don't talk to me ever again. Vanessa told me everything. You monster.

I'm a monster. Just like he said.