The Long Journey Home (Completed)

Chapter 17 (Edited)

The Lord brings death and makes alive; he

brings down to the grave and raises up. 1 Samuel 2:6

Two weeks have passed since my father's death. And, to be honest, it has been really tough on my family and I.

The relationship between Jaz and I had became really strained and quiet except for the occasional yelling. She kept yelling at me and all this shit, causing me to almost yell at her. She was pushing me to her limit, and I was getting sick and tired of it.

Every night, Lilly cried for her father to come see her, causing more stress on our mother. Some nights, I did not sleep at all, to keep Lilly calm, just so that my mother could actually get some sleep before the day ahead.

Jason and his soon to be wife were having problems as well, and some of the problems was the fact that Jason didn't want to leave us like this. He wanted to make sure that we were on our feet, especially me.

"Ember," someone called my name, causing me to jolt awake. Gabriel stared at me, worried. "Are you alright?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. "You have been staring at your coffee."

I rubbed my eyes and nodded my head. "Oh, uh... ya. I am fine," I replied, not even fine. I forced a smile on my face because I knew that Gabriel didn't believe me. "Relax, I am fine. I just... I just need sleep."

"You need help. That is what you need," Gabriel said. He looked to the ceiling, and I knew that he was looking towards the Lord. "You haven't even ridden since your father's death."

I didn't say a word and just picked up my now cold cup of coffee and poured it down the sink. I didn't want to hear about Him, nor the preachings that my father used to tell us. I wanted to ride, but... I couldn't. I couldn't because my dad was dead. He killed him.

"Em-"

"Do not "Ember" me, please," I said, my voice quivering. I didn't look at Gabriel, not wanting him to see how I was barely hanging on by a thread. I could not let go, not even for a little while. I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and I could not get off of them.

"Then just-"

"No!" I exclaimed, turning to look at the stablehand. "I will not listen to what you have to say. I do not want to hear how He "loves" me." I shook my head and moved a hand through my hair. "I-I just can't."

"You were a firm-"

"That was before my dad died. That was before my faith in Him was torn," I replied, again interrupting him. I blinked back tears, not wanting to let the other male see me fall. "Just... please... don't do this. Not right now."

"Then when?" Gabriel asked, his tone changing from the shy, calm boy that I have grown to know a bit. "When will you listen to me? To Him and to his word? When?"

I shook my head, backing away. I could feel myself want to cry, and I knew that I was suffering a bit from depression. My heart and my family was torn, and I was scared of what that would mean for me, for us. "Just not right now," I whispered before I ran up to my room.

I clutched my pillow close to me and cried my sadness out. I cried my grief, my pain, my fear, and my questions out. I didn't help me out at all, but it did help me fall into a dreamless sleep where I didn't have to feel anything at all.

***

Frantic knocking woke me up from my restless slumber. "Ember," a voice called, sounding like Jason. "Get up." Urgency in his voice made me lift up my head and blink.

"What is it?" I asked, my voice raw and tired. My eyes felt raw, and I didn't like it one bit. Nor, did I like the fact that my nose was all stuffed up.

"I think you are going to listen to me now," a deeper male voice said, causing me to turn towards the window.

An Angel, wings white as snow stood there. He had the same dark hair, complexion, and eyes as Gabriel. A smile was on his face, but I could see that it was a sad one, not a happy one.

I rubbed my eyes and squinted at him, not believing that this guy was the stablehand. "Gabriel?" I asked, causing the other male to nod his head I bit back a groan and shook my head. "I must be dreaming," I muttered, moving a hand through my hair.

"No," Gabriel replied. "I am an Angel from God, your Father. He has sent me here to watch over you and your family."

I bit back a snort and roll my eyes. I didn't believe him, not liking the fact that he was in my room trying to play a trick on me.

"Why do you not believe me?" Gabriel asked, searching my face. "Why did you stop praying to him?"

"I told you," I replied, turning towards the door. I was a bit surprised that my brother had stopped knocking, knowing for sure that he would keep knocking until I opened the door.

"I stopped time, to give you a message, Ember," Gabriel said from behind me. "Would you like me to tell you?"

I shook my head no. "I know what you are going to say is "God loves me" and all of that stuff all ready," I replied. "I do not want to hear it."

Gabriel sighed and walked towards me. He sat at the edge of my bed, causing me to scoot to the head board. Hurt filled his eyes, and I didn't know if he was hurting from the fact that I dissed his God or because I moved away from him. "He is still your God as well, Ember," he said, studying me.

I looked down, hating the fact that I was so open to him. I tried to keep my feelings hidden, so I hated feeling like this.

"Your sister has ran away from home," he said, causing me to blink in surprise and shock. "You do know where she is."

"But, why would she do that?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Because, she needs you to believe in Him. She is having problems with the fact that her dad just died as well. She knows you are having conflicting thoughts about our Lord and Father. You are the glue that holds this family together and will during this time. Your voice holds prayers and hope when you sing and play for them."

"Then why are you coming to talk to me and not helping her?" I asked, bitterly. I was a bit surprised that he said that I was the "glue" to holding this family together, because I didn't feel like I was strong enough to hold this family.

"Because, she doesn't need the saving. You do."