Beauty and the Dorito (Bill Cipher X Reader)

Chapter 2: Ford in the Forest

(A/N: I couldn't think of a better analogue for Ford, so I edited the first chapter.  Your dad is now Ford, which opened up an interesting new avenue considering Ford and Bill's relationship dynamics.)

"Still not asleep, Cool Ranch?"

"Y-your story is too interesting."

"Go to sleep."

"Five more minutes?"

"Aww, don't give me those puppy eyes.  Fine, I'll keep going."

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"Who does she think she is?" Dipper demanded, slamming his fist against the counter.  "No one gets away with saying "no" to me!"

The other patrons of the tavern were wisely ignoring him, studiously minding their own business.  Everyone knew not to get in Dipper's way during one of his rages.

Mabel, sitting next to him at the counter, sipped her drink with one pinky extended.  Even in the dingy tavern, she comported herself with class.  Her sequined leotard and flashy amulet in her hair stood out like a Christmas star among the peasants that frequented this establishment, and she made no attempt to hide her distaste.

"Don't worry about it too much, bro-bro," she said supportively.  "If she doesn't come to her senses and realize you're the only guy for her, we can always burn her house down."

Dipper chuckled.  "You always know exactly what to say."

"Before we resort to that, though, there are plenty of other things we can try," she continued.  "We've got magic on our side, after all.  The charms and glamours you're using already have managed to turn every girl's head in town except Y/N, so I'm sure all she needs is a little extra push."

"An extra push got me a shot of pepper spray in the face," Dipper grumbled.  Mabel stifled her giggle behind a dainty cough.

 "How about a love potion?" she suggested.  "They've worked for me in the past."

Dipper smirked, remembering how she'd twisted poor Gideon around her little finger before disposing of him heartlessly.  "A love potion, eh?  That might work..."

"Just leave everything to me," Mabel hissed, her lips an inch away from his ear.  "I don't know what you see in that freak, but little miss Y/N will be all yours soon enough."

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"I d-don't like this part..."

"Sorry, sweetie.  I'll skip past it."

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Ford made his way through the tangled forest, nearly tripping over rocks and protruding roots with every other step.  He would have been making better progress if his nose hadn't been stuck in his notebook, recording and cataloguing everything he walked past and sketching new ideas for improbable devices.

If he had been paying attention, he would have noticed the sudden absence of wildlife as he crossed an invisible boundary.  His first clue that something was amiss was when the sky abruptly darkened.

Ford looked up from his book for the first time in hours.

"Now how did I miss that?" he muttered to himself.

Floating above him in the sky, defying all laws of gravity and reason, was a giant stone pyramid.  Ford stared at it, his hands sketching it in his book without conscious direction.  When he was finished, he looked down at what he had written.