To see him, is to love him ...

The July Trip

I am a pretty introvert kinda person. People have just never been my thing.  Either because they annoy me, or are to fed into themselves. It sounds kind of funny, but it's true. Honestly I'm just trying to keep people off my back like my parents, so they don't ask questions. Just smile, and that's all it takes. People will believe what they want to. What is easier to believe. If they don't have to care, then they won't. I've learned through the years . I've gotten used to being not being really cared after way too much. I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm just more independent than people expect me to be. 

I've learned that people don't want to deal with your problems, let alone the causes, they will listen but generally not care.  They don't really care, they have their own problems. Well I'm pretty good at keeping things to myself,  sharing has never been my forte. I don't want to open up to people who don't have any intention to give a flying fudge. I mean really most stuff really isn't their business anyways,  and I'm not really looking for a pity trip, let alone gossip about it. Weeks are just passing in a blur. Just flying by. Its foggy to remember things, I think that is mainly cause I didn't care.  Things are so much easier when you don't care. When you have no feelings. Nothing hurts.

Yeah, I guess I shut off feelings along time ago. I've just tried to be invisible to people and it really wasn't that hard. I have my reasons for not wanting to care, not wanting attention. I'll just give you the basic. I've met people whose hands were too greedy and weren't the gentlest. And those " things" I will never forget or forgive. But let's not shine to much on the past, we'll just bury that deep and move on. So as you can imagine I'm not so buddy-buddy with guys. I rather avoid them all together. So, no, I don't have a boyfriend. Also a great advantage I don't have to deal with that drama. No one is dying to be with me anyways. I really don't care to much, not worth the energy.  I don't sweat it.

I do keep a lot of things to myself but company is nice. Like Grants company. He makes me want to care, to feel. But that I'm unsure of also.  I don't trust. And that's why I don't like Grant. I distance myself, it was a lot of work to get where I am now. Somewhat in a good place. A lot of pain. But I can tell you the emotional pain was much greater than the physical. There were certain things that I had to do to get me over to where I am. Things that I am not happy that I did, and still struggle greatly with. Grant seems to see something though. He keeps hinting to open up. But I'm no where near ready. And we aren't that close that it would even be comfortable. But he is relentless. It's weird to have someone who keeps bothering to care. To actually care enough not to drop the subject. But I have no idea why Grant cares so much. In a way it makes me uncomfortable but safe all at the same time

So this summer I'm going to take my curiosity to the next level. And what hell, I'm gonna do me. Because it's time for me, I don't give a rip but what's wrong in their eyes. If I want it or the hell with it. And a rather  interesting event kicked off my first adventure of me. 

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4th Of July camp trip

     I do have to admit my parents know some hardcore party people. We join a large group of people in the back-waters to spends a few days drinking, floating, and partying. It is the highlight of my summer and this summer I'm able to go again. We try to keep it 18+. We don't put to many particular details into the trip such a a times and such but basic.       This year I'm inviting a few of my friends. I have to have some wing-girls. I'm gonna get my flirt on, who knows maybe I'll get lucky, I've had my eyes on Kenny for awhile too. Either way I'm gonna have fun. I packed a bunch of slightly slutty clothes, that say respect me but like find a way to touch me. My boobs are my biggest asset, so those beauties will be ready to play. I decide to wear a black skirt to flaunt some skin and show off  my thick thighs. And to top it off this off the shoulder sleeved shirt because it suppose to get slightly colder when it gets dark. There is gonna be a gigantic bonfire in the center of camp at dusk. As I finish the last few touches with the rest of my gang in my tent I get passed a huge bottle of strawberry vodka that's already a quarter way gone between the 3 of us. I'm not gonna  lie  I'm feeling pretty hot and buzzed and ready to have some fun. A last chug of the vodka and a squeeze to my sun kissed breast being flattered by the deep slit in my red top.