pyromania // phan

6

happy turkey day you dipwads

within the next week, as expected, my lighter ran out of fumes and my matchbox ran out again.

i tried getting caspar to buy me some when he visited the shop the next day, but he told me i need to 'grow a pair and just talk to phil.'

so here i was on a foggy wednesday morning, walking myself down to the match and lighter shop to buy some more of the intoxicating addiction i've made for myself.

as soon as i opened the door to the shop and walked in, phil's features lit up brighter than any fire i've ever seen.

"dan, hey! i was just thinking about you," then phil stopped, eyes widening, "um, no, i didn't mean it like- no-"

i chuckled, shaking my head, "i get it, it's fine."

my eyes skimmed over the new models of lighters that were put in the shop in the week i was gone.

"so, how've you been? i haven't seen you in a few days," phil mentioned.

i shrugged, "typical. just doing what i can to have the urge to live. you?"

"wait," phil looked at me, "you don't have the urge to live? do you want to die?" his features were indistinguishable, a mixture of hurt, worry, and anger.

i quickly shook my head, "no no no, that's not what i meant. it's just..." i huffed a bit, looking down, "it's complicated."

it's not exactly that i'm suicidal, but i'm not exactly in a 'right state of mind.' if we're being honest, i would have no problem with dying right here and right now, if that were to be the case. but phil didn't need to know that. he didn't need that stress and worry, especially for someone like me.

"well, okay," he hesitantly let the subject down, glancing at me with worry prominent in his eyes. i was thankful that he dropped the subject, "i thought you said it'd be a while until your lighter's fumes went out?"

i looked at him for a moment, wishing i could teleport out of the shop without another word. "um, it's a birthday present for my brother."

phil squinted at me, as if seeing through my lies, "oh, okay."

idiot, i thought to myself. who gets their brother a lighter for their birthday?

i looked along the walls, and my eyes stopped on a regular lighter. regular shaped, regular flick, everything. except, the color was the exact shade of phil's beautiful blue eyes. a mix between blue, green, and yellow. it was perfect.

i walked it to the counter, and i pretended to not notice his intense stares at me as i admired the lighter. placing it on the counter, i glanced between phil's eyes and the lighter, making sure the shade matched. it did, exactly.

"that's strange," phil stated all of a sudden, looking at the lighter.

"what?" i asked tentatively.

"this lighter is a lot different than what you chose last time," he shrugged, examining it, "last time, you chose a really extravagant and expensive lighter. today, you chose a regular, plain one that's just a normal blue color."

i squinted, wondering how he even remembered what i got last time, let alone why it mattered. "like i said, it's a birthday gift."

it made me a little frustrated that he had said 'a normal blue.' i guess he really just didn't notice that i got it to remind me of his eye color every time i looked at it. it wasn't just 'a normal blue,' it was a beautiful mix of blue, green, and yellow, all blended together to make my probable favorite color in existence.

god, was i addicted.

whether i was talking about fire or phil, i didn't know.

"that will be five pounds on the dot," phil told me, and i gave him my card. he slid it in the machine, and i watched his determined face with admiration. the way he squinted his eyes a little bit, his features sullen and his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth a little was almost too much for me to handle. i actually had to restrain myself from launching myself over the counter and attacking him in kisses.

but, then again, that was only in my dreams.

because while i'm obsessed with fire, he runs from it.

•••
yoyoyo I'm at my grammy's house rn watching the Macy's thanksgiving day parade as I type this whOOP

This is really short I'm sorry

-kay xx