Philophobia (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter Seventeen*

Love, hate have such a fine line in between.

~

I couldn't sleep last night. I just couldn't. Not with the agonizing pain in my chest. The area were situated my heart that he shattered into pieces. My head was not being able to forgot the pain he has caused. My brain was not being able to process what has happened last night that kept me up for hours.

I couldn't accept the fact that he couldn't love. I just couldn't. I don't believe in such thing; how a person says they don't love but yet they desire it whilst the other person was well in love just to feel its heart break into million pieces at someone's saying. And the worst part was that I had just experienced that last night. It was something disastrous and painful to hear and feel something a like. Especially coming from the man that you have fallen deeply in love with in the strangest way. I din't understood how I could have possibly fallen in love with Harry in such short time. He was obviously not the right man for me therefor I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. With a man who was a dangerous and pretentious human being. But nevertheless I fell for him and I fell for him hard.

Maybe it was his smile or his eyes that got me hooked. But I din't believe it was all that simple-to have fallen in love so quick just from his appearance and the way he would possessively hold me in his arms. I believed that it was the curiosity that I have grown for him. The feeling of wanting to know more about what seeks under his cold chest. Who he really was deep inside. The real him that he wouldn't dare reveal.

I knew that they had more to him than I thought. He was still the boy I had met five years ago, I knew he still was but I wanted to know why for the past few years he has build up so many walls between the world and himself. Especially him and I.

Why couldn't he let anyone in? What could have possibly turned him out to the man he is now?

I needed to forget, Forget about him no matter how hard it was, it was my only escape. My body slowly sitting up from my bed as I rolled onto my side. My feet now touching the cold ground as I sat there immobilized. My eyes starring straight ahead of me as I stared at the blue. I needed a hot steamy shower to relieve some stress.

After a long moment, I decided that it was time for me to take a hot shower. As I stood up from my bed, I heard a loud huffing sound coming from the hallways. My eyes widening as I felt the beating of my heart accelerating and the nerves in my whole system jolting from a certain rush. My body jolted as I heard him. My breathing now caught in my throat as my feet instantly found there way, nervously to the bathroom.

As I scurried away, not wanting to face him. My fingers was now finding the switch as I switched the lights on. My hand pushing the door closed, harshly as I rested the back of my head on the door. My hand reaching high now placed on my heart as I felt the stability of it. The beating of my heart slowing down, back to a normal pace as silence took place. I closed my eyes shut as I exhaled loudly, regaining my breathing pace.

My hand now reaching behind me as I twisted the lock from the doorknob of the door, locking it behind me. I slowly took a step, now inching closer to the sink with my head raised up to stare of at myself in the mirror. As I stood there in front of my mirror, I dazed off as I stared at my dowy eyes. Nothing was interesting yet I was numb and frozen. My eyes slowly observing my appearance as my eyes went lower to my face, jawline then down to my neck.

All of a sudden my eyes widen at the sight of the hickey now marked on my sensitive skin. For some reasons my conscience was screaming at me for more. As my brain now brighten up, my mind thought back to the way he would touch me at my too vulnerable state. I shook my head, not wanting to feel this sudden type of need. I shut my eyes and reopened them to stare back at my eyes. My hand now placed on my sides, finding the hem of my sweater as I pulled it over my head. I sigh as I lazily striped naked, my underwear now sliding down my legs. I slowly stepped on the tub as I turned on the shower head. The hot steamy water now hitting the back of my head as I closed my eyes shut, enjoying the hot water hitting my body. I stood there immobilized not being able to move, however all I did was think.