Jacob wakes up with Troye shivering in his arms. They're both still naked and Troye has tucked himself into Jacob's side, subconsciously chasing Jacob's warmth in his sleep. His face is pressed into Jacob's neck, and he's wedged his legs between Jacob's. Jacob didn't let go of him in his sleep, his arms are still wound around Troye's tiny waist. He knows he gives off a lot of body heat, Troye has told him before, but Troye usually wears a sweater and pyjama pants to bed and without any flesh to insulate him his teeth are almost chattering in his sleep.
He glances at Troye's alarm clock and realizes he's only slept a few hours, even though the sun is already shining through the sheer curtains. He laid awake listening to Troye's breathing; let his fingers slot in the spaces between Troye's ribs so he felt every inhale and exhale. His mind ran through every single thing he should have noticed, every single way he failed Troye. He's traced it all the way back to the very first day in the studio when Troye didn't drink the syrupy sweet coffee Jacob brought and just picked at his scone.
Jacob couldn't keep in his tears last night, but even with letting them out the knot in his chest hasn't loosened. All night he felt like he was trying to hold onto thin air, like Troye was seconds away from slipping out of his grasp. He's just so tiny, so frail, so thin. Jacob doesn't know what he's going to do yet. He's terrified to confront Troye because he knows how easy it is to send Troye cowering back into his shell. He also needs to make sure he's right about Troye, before he asks.
He's going to make Troye breakfast, just like he would any other morning, but this time he's going to properly watch, like he should have been doing all along. He brushes his fingers across Troye's back, feeling the goosebumps on the skin pulled tight across his shoulder blades. He presses a kiss to Troye's hair and slowly untangles himself. Troye lets out a little whimper when Jacob carefully moves his head from his shoulder to the pillow, but he doesn't wake.
The blankets pool at their hips when Jacob sits up and it still makes him suck in a sharp breath when he sees Troye. Jacob can't decide if seeing Troye in the light is better or worse. It's worse because now he can really see just how thin and jagged Troye is, he can really see, in comparison to his own thigh, or his own arm, just how tiny Troye is.
Jacob thinks maybe it's less terrifying this way though, without the moonlight casting shadows in the hollows where flesh should be. Without the shadows making Troye look more like a skeleton. It's beautiful in some way, how fragile, how delicate Troye is. His skin always holds that slight hint of gold and when his face isn't twisted with hesitation he looks a little softer. Jacob knows though, that even if he'll always be able to find the beauty in Troye, this isn't okay. Those bones aren't okay.
Jacob slowly slips out of bed and pulls the covers up around Troye, tucking around the edges to cocoon him in. Next to the bed is the electric heating blanket Jacob bought for Troye; it hasn't been being used because Jacob is over every night and he usually keeps Troye warm enough. He plugs it in and turns up the temperature dial, before draping it carefully over the too-small lump that is Troye under the covers.
Troye sighs contentedly in his sleep, his face relaxing where Jacob has tucked the blankets up to his chin. Jacob pulls on a fresh pair of sweatpants from the drawer Troye gave him to keep some clothes in. It meant a lot to Jacob when Troye offered him a drawer. Like maybe, even if he couldn't say it out loud, Troye was offering Jacob a little bit of permanent space in his life. Jacob knows sometimes he tends to read too much into things, but he has hope.
Jacob goes to the kitchen and starts gathering the ingredients for pancakes. He was hoping cooking would give him a distraction from his thoughts but that isn't happening. All he can think about is how much Troye always says he loves Jacob's pancakes. Now Jacob can only wonder if it was always a chore for Troye to eat them. If Troye resented the pancakes Jacob made him. If he had to force himself to swallow them. He feels like an idiot for how much he's always loved cooking for Troye, when Troye has really hated his food this whole time.
