Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 2

It's been three weeks since I talked to Austin, three weeks and I've been over thinking everything, from the talk to the look in his eyes. Seeing him at school hurts way more than any beating Austin has ever given me. I miss him so fucking much, I miss the little dots in his eyes, the way he licks his lips and sticks his tongue out a little bit when laughing or smiling big enough. I miss the way his voice would get higher when he was apologizing and lower when he joked about sommethings. Small habits that he has, ruin my life.

On one hand, I know that this friendship is on my terms. It is in a way reassuring to know that I'm in control of if we ever speak to each other again. Yet, as i've been replaying memories of us again and my hearts been skipping a beat, i feel helpless. I feel like he knows the weight he has on my emotions.

The feelings he gives me are overwhelming, and I've been considering what I feel towards him. He gives me butterfly's, he gives me stupid tummy turns and red cheeks, along with sparks with the brush of his skin against mine. Feeling these things makes me gay, and if my mom ever knew that I was even considering my sexuality, I'd be kicked out in a minute. Not that she payed any attention to whats going on, she wouldn't even know if I was a hardcore druggy who had fucked the whole entire neighborhood, men included. And as sad as that is, it's comforting that she's not a factor in the whole feeling train, I wouldn't want to worry about another god damn thing.

-

I left fourth period and I was dreading fifth, he caught me starring at him yesterday. Not that he talked to me about it, we don't talk.

I slid my stuff to the side of the big table, the table I always have to myself because no one sits with me. Everyone sits at the back two tables, leaving four tables empty. It's stupid really, because all of the jocks, preps, and any other stereotyped human being always sits at those two tables, elbow to elbow with each other. It doesn't bother me and it really never bothered them, not enough to the point where they'd converse with me about it.

So, I just got out my pencil and smiled, we had a sub today. Subs are the best, because they don't give a single fuck. I put away my pencil, I won't need it.

A slight screeching sound pulled me out of my thoughts and a shadow was shown beside me. None other than the Austin Carlile himself had decided to sit beside me. Bloody hell.

"Hey Ash." My heart jumped at the fact that he used my old nickname, " Don't call me that." I whispered, it just kind of came out of my mouth. He ducked his head to where his eyes met mine.

"Hey look, I'm so sorry Alan, please forgive me. I had a lot of time to think after you helped me, and i can't believe how selfish of a human i am. I miss you and your stupid jokes. I miss not having awkward silences, because the silences were never awkward between us. I understand if you can never even look at me again, but i would love for you to tell me you forgive me. I can live with that." I looked up and allowed out eyes to connect. I smiled because, in that moment, I saw the dots in his eyes, and for some strange reason I wanted to kiss him so fucking bad, but there are people in this room, and I'm not sure if that'd be a good move on my part.

"Fuck it, let's get out of here," I said, I've skipped before and I'm sure Austin has too. "Right now?" He asked, I nodded. "Okay!" Austin said excitedly, almost kid like.

"Sir," the substitute looked up. "Me and Austin need to go get his jacket he left in the cafeteria," I told the substitute. He nodded, too involved in his game of candy crush. "There's only five minutes left of class so don't take the pass," He said, we both nodded and walked out, making our way to the door of the school, freedom taste sweet, like Austin's smile.

-

"Fuck that, fuck you, fuck this game," Austin said, throwing down the controller, barely missing my side. I smiled at him, getting off of the couch to stand directly in front of him. My crouch was almost directly in his face, and to be completely honest, it must've been awkward for him. Not that I cared, just having another mans wing wang so close to your mouth.....shut up! Just reply to him!