Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 19

Anxiety attacks have steps. First, it's the shaking and sweating. The constant looks over your back to see if someone if watching you tear yourself up. Of course they aren't, this is all in your head. Although, the sweat that lined my forehead was quite noticeable and my teeth chattering and my bones shaking, didn't hide away my paranoia. But, Austin was at the store getting food for us. So, I was all alone. I couldn't do anything stupid, Austin would hate me if I did. After all, he had allowed me enough trust to just leave the house, but after he gave me a long speech.

I started to feel dizzy and my stomach turned and flipped. Oh no, step two, throwing up. Running over to the trash can conveniently placed by the bed, I emptied the little lunch I had into it. But, it didn't dare stop there. So, I threw up more. I threw up until I was only throwing up Stomach acid and bile. Soon, I was only doing small gags into the smelly, plastic trash can.

My ginger hair clung to my forehead, sweatily. The locks of hair had turned darker than my normal vibrant carrot colour. My face was paler than it normally was, and that was saying something. My lips were on the edge of turning purple, the discoloured flesh sticking out more on my face. My normally dark brown eyes were glassed over, making them lighter. Red lines rose in my eyes. I looked terrible.

Sinking onto the side of the bed, I gripped at my damp locks, finding some comfort while running my hands through them. Something on the bed vibrated and it took me a little bit to realise that it was my phone, not a bomb. Answering the phone, I heard Austin's chipper voice on the other end. I covered up my feelings and put a bigger boost of "okayness" to my voice. Austin rambled on about a funny encounter at the grocery store and how the cashier flirted with him. Even though I didn't bring it to a fact that I was jealous, Austin covered up and went on about how he told her about me. That made me smile despite the state I was in, he wanted people to know about me.

"That's amazing, honey!" I said, laughing at how happy he was. Something was on point about him today, and I loved it.

"Yeah! I love telling people about you, you're kind of like my prized possession!" I laughed, suddenly overwhelmed with happiness. His good mood was making me feel the same way and I couldn't wait until he was home.

But, I was still sweating and looked terrible. A shower would definitely fix it, but I should warn him first. I brought this to his attention and he gave me permission. Was permission the right word? I could do it without his consent, I just chose not to. I'm a good boyfriend.

He hung up and I made my way to the shower. This panic attack had been a shorter one, but I couldn't forget how many times it had made me throw up. The length of it didn't matter as much as the strength did. At the moment, all I knew was what it was, not how long it would last.

Turing the water knob, I jumped back from how cold it was. Why is it that I know only how to work my shower? I toyed around with it for a while until I found out how to work it and got it to my desired temperature. Knowing me, I'd be burning in hell fire by the end of the shower. Hot showers are the best. I grabbed the foreign shampoo, the cheap ones you get in small bottles. I appreciated the fact that it smelt like green apples.

The shower was done before Austin got home and I managed to get dried and clothed before he appeared. It was when I was watching tv when he showed up, big smile on his face, just like I had imagined.

"Why are you so happy today?" I asked, not worried but curious.

"Because I have you, silly," he replied, making my heart beat out of my chest.

"I love you," I said, taking up on the toll of my burst of confidence.

"I love you more," he argued.

"I don't think that's possible." I kissed his nose and he cuddled into me.

He's amazing, and mine. All mine.

Authors note!!!

I don't know you guys enough! I love all of you and want to converse with you more. So, here's all of my social media websites.

Ig-

Personal/ @haley_killjoy
Band account/ @i_lyk_bands

Kik- beanpotpie

Snapchat- sws.forever

Tumblr- alltimelow-loser

I love all of you, so very much.