Hypocrisy (Austlan Cashby)

Chapter 12

School was out, yet again. Leaving me and austin to hang around all day. Although we did nothing progress but have lazy make out sessions on the couch, days like this always left me with a content feeling. It didn't matter what was done when Austin was around because around him I felt complete, like it was unnecessary for things to get done.

All in all, Austin was a huge distraction from life, one that I have learned to love. I knew that I was beginning to rely on him again, but I dropped the thought for the fear of over thinking once again. Why would I let myself ruin a perfectly good thing?

It was in my nature to do that, unfortunately, but I knew that I could stop myself as easily as I could muster up the damaging thoughts. I was beginning to have control again, and this was new.

I have always been under someone's control and if not someone, it was something. Mostly depression led me through life. Reason why I was so shocked that I told the thoughts to go away. It was so new, i could metaphorically feel the plastic, if that makes any sense.

I was so satisfied with this new control. But, I couldn't forget the person who have me this control.

Austin Carlile is fixing me, and I didn't realize that until now. I was being fixed, which is something that I needed. How could I not realized that I was so broken that someone had to fix me. It had to be my remaining stubbornness, something that I can tell will mess me up in the future. At least one I can admit to things, rather than shoving them in the corner for another time.

My decision making was back again and that was something that excited me. My decision making was what pushed me through life without to many mistakes. Then again most of my life consisted of just myself. Not that that matters anymore.

I rolled over to face Austin, who had somehow fallen asleep within the last five minutes that I had looked at him. Looking at the clock, I realized it was lunch time and I was beyond starving. So, to wake him up I did the most clique thing I could do. I kissed him, I kissed him until his eyes were fluttering open and his lips responded with mine.

"Mmmm?" He grunted, obviously not wanting to be awake but loving the way I woke him up.

I pointed to my stomach, "Nom noms," I said.

Austin knew I had no cooking ability. Grunting, I got off of the couch to let Austin get up.

"What would you like, my ginger princess?" I smiled at his nick name for me, my heart practically bursting.

"I have some pancake mix in the cabinet, brunch sound good to you?" Austin nodded and fetched the pancake mix.

Walking over to the iHome dock, I placed my phone into it and blasted Cemetery Drive by My Chemical Romance, knowing Austin enjoyed this song by the way he lit up when I played it a couple nights ago.

"And the collision of your kiss, that made it so hard," I sang while dancing around in the kitchen. I began to tap the beat on the counter while watching Austin cook.

"Drumming isn't your think, is it?" Austin said jokingly, but I knew I sucked.

"No, although they are pretty cool."

"What instruments do you play?" Austin asked.

"I'm pretty good at the guitar but i haven't picked it up in forever," I replied.

"Why not?" Austin asked, curiosity lacing his voice,

"I don't know." A few seconds of silence went by.

"What instruments do you play?" I asked Austin.

"Oh, I suck at everything."

"That can't be true! There has to be something you're good at!"

"I can scream a little, it hurts my voice but if I ever felt like pursuing in a career that involved that then I could always get a good vocal couch," Austin replied.

Austin looked like he would make a good screamer with his height and all. I nodded my head and walked over to change the song. Stopping at Filth Friends Unite by I See Stars.

Austin walked over and placed the food on the table. Turning off the music, I ran over to the food, mouth watering at just the smell. Looking around the table, I realized there was only one plate out.

"Do I need to go get you a plate?" I asked, worriedly.

"No, I'm not hungry," Austin replied.

I though back to yesterday and realized that he had wiggled out of eating yesterday also.

"Are you okay? Austin, you didn't eat anything yesterday either."

I was worried, beyond worried.

"I'm not hungry Alan, leave it."

I pushed my plate away, getting angry.

"Eat Austin, eat now." I pushed my plate towards him. He shook his head.

"This is no longer a question, you are going to put a fucking spoonful of your god damn delicious eggs into your precious mouth and eat them, I'm not eating until you do." He looked shocked.

I watched as he ate the whole plate, he was obviously very hungry.

What shocked me is that after he realized his plate was empty, he started crying.

"I'm fat," he said, gripping the skin around his stomach, he was no where near fat.

"No you are not, don't every say that again."

"Okay,"

And just like that the conversation was gone. I wanted him to be okay but realized that while I'm over here being patched up, no one was patching him up. So, I have to step in, and soon.