A Million Last Words | A Calum Hood & Luke Hemmings Fanfic

Chapter 14

~Calums Pov~

"Mum?"

"Hi Calum! Im so happy you called. How are you hun, we all miss you back home." My mums voice always sounded so sweet over the phone, it had a way of always making me feel safe no matter how far away she was. 

"I miss you too mum but.. I really need to talk to you.. about something kinda, not alright." I had locked myself in the bathroom to make sure the boys wouldn't hear me, I didnt think Luke was mad at me but if he heard this conversation he might be.

"Whats wrong? Is everything going okay with the tour and all?" She was acting like she didnt know anything about me, If I was her I'd probably do the same thing.

"Yeah the tours great, I love playing on stage every night, but that's not why i called" I could feel my hands start to shake. I hadn't talked to her up front about this yet and frankly, I was horrified to do it.

 "What is it then?' I could tell mum was starting to get a bit worried. "Calum please dont say you've started drinking again, you know how bad it is we worked so hard to get you better."

"N-no its not that I promise" I didn't want to tell her that I started drinking again and about this at the same time. I feel like that deserved a separate phone call. "Look its just, I think you should hear this from me before you hear it from Mali or Liz or-or whoever"  The other end of the phone line was completely silent, like mum was holding her breathe until I just spit it out. I couldn't understand for the life of me why this was so hard for me to tell her, I know she'll be excepting no matter what. "Im.. Or I might be.. A little like..and I've been thinking over this for a while so.." I run my hand over the back of my neck, I stumbled on every word, i didn't want to have to tell her but something in me was forcing the words out. I took a sudden deep breath in and pushed back every bad thought, "Mum.. I'm gay." 

A few seconds went by in even worse dead silence, I just wanted her to say something. Something reassuring that would make me feel better, about everything. A few more seconds past. I started fighting back tears, if I cried and mum knew I was, it would only make things worse. 

"Please say something. I know that I shouldn't be this way, I know that already and I hate myself for it. The last thing I need is for you to hate me too" My fight grows weak and tears rush down my cheeks. I try to wipe them away before they fall to far but there was to many. I pull my phone away from my face, wiping the water off the screen and off the rest of my face. I take a quick gasp for air before placing my phone back on my cheek just to hear the same silence as before.

I finally hear some noise on the other end. I sit up and wipe all the tear drops off from under my eyes, even if what she says is not good, its better than being killed by silence. 

"Hey John can you come to the kitchen, Calums on the phone with something- interesting to tell you" All mums words sounded muffled, I could tell she was covering the speaker on her phone but I could still hear her very clearly. She didn't sound mad or sad or anything. Like she was expecting this news. I didnt even think about telling my dad, I feel like hes not gonna take it as well. 

"Calums on the phone? Is he okay" All my dads words sounded distant and stretched out.

"He can tell you" Mum just sounded a little pissed off, maybe because I didnt tell her sooner or that she had to find out from Liz in a harsh way first. 

"Hello? Calum?" My dad just sounded confused and worried. Everyone at home was sacred i'd take a turn for the worst and start to self destructing again. My Mum and Dad didn't even want me to go on tour at first just because of hate we could get for being on tour with a band that already gets alot of hate alone. They know I dont handle stressful situating well, I cant stand if someone hates me for no reason and it makes me do stupid things. Like drink until I black out over and over and over again.