Can't Have It All

Love In A Dark Place

Kenya POV-

"How you feeling Pooka?" I asked Odell who was cuddled up with his head on my chest and his arms around me.

"So, so." He said not opening his eyes.

Livy started whining.

"Let me go feed Livy, then I'll be back."

He reached up and puckered his lips for me to kiss, I did. Then he released me from his grasp so I could get Livy.

"Good morning my Stinka." I smiled brightly and picked up my chocolate princess.

I felt her diaper and she needed a change.

I took her in her room and changed her on the changing table, then got her and went downstairs so I could feed her and make O something light to eat, since his stomach was practically empty from all the throwing up last night.

I put her in her high chair, then washed my hands.

"What you want today Stinka, apple sauce or pears?" I said looking in the cabinet.

She answered in baby talk and softly hit the table of her high chair.

"You like pears. Lets do pears." I got
the pears down, washed her spoon, then sat in front of her on a stool. I put her bib on.

And as soon as I opened the food, the doorbell rang.

"Hold on Stinka. Let mommy see who this is."

I went to the door, saw who it was and opened it.

"Close it behind you." I went to the kitchen and started feeding Olivia.

Shep attacked her with kisses on cheek, which made her giggle and spit out her pears on him.

"Yuck Liv." He got a paper towel, then went to the sink to wash off his face.

"Aren't you still supposed to be in LA?"

"Nah my flight came in a couple of hours ago. I had to come home to feed Mason. He can't be that long without food and water."

Mason was Shep's grey pitbull.

"We would've did it Shep."

"I don't allow everybody in my house.
I don't know y'all like that." He got a bowl and started pouring him some cereal.

"Yet you stay in ours." I stale faced him.

"Divorce O, you can come to my home anytime you like. Ain't that right Liv?" He held his fist out for Livy to fist bump.

She grabbed it and tried to eat it instead.

"Aye girl." He took his hand back.

"What do you want silly?" I asked him feeding Livy who was loving these pears.

"What do smart people read?" He asked me eating his cereal.

"What?" I laughed.

"What do y'all like to read?" He was dead serious.

"Sterling, what do you like to read?"

"Besides my playbook and the magazines I'm in, I don't do much reading." He thought about it. "I take that back. I be reading them inspirational post on Instagram. That count?"

😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

If you could see my face.

"Why you looking at me like that?"
He said taking a big bite of cereal looking like he really did not know. The sad thing is, he was clueless.

"Sterling, how many girlfriends have you had up until now?"

Shep was young, about 21 going on 22.

"Since when?"

"Highschool."

"Uh..." He rubbed his chin thinking.

"I guess high school I had one. I don't do girlfriends really, I just date or..."

"I already know. You don't have to say." I rubbed my head annoyed.

"What did you do to get the girls you dated or..." We didn't need to finish the sentence. We knew what the second part was.

"Uh... Usually they already know who I am so I don't have to do much. Just show em my car, my house. Maybe take them out somewhere. Show em my abs and that's all it takes." He said eating his cereal.

The sad part is, how true this is for most athletes. Rarely do women make them put in work. And if she does, rarely will they fight for her like O did me. They'll just move on to what's easier.

But what they don't understand is that you miss out on really great women that way. Because if you are only attracting women due to those things, if you lose things, those women will be gone to. You need a stronger bond than things that can be taken away.

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked him.

"Uh...nah. Not really."

"When do you hurt the most Shep?"

"Physically?"

"No, I'm talking about inside."

He stopped eating a second and stared off, then continued eating. "I don't really get emotional. Nothing really phases me." He blew it off.

"I only asked because I know when I hurt. And it's when I look around at all Ive achieved. My company. My marriage. Livy. And know that my mama can't see it. No matter how much money I make Or how desperately I want her here. And its a lonely dark place. And my only light is O and Livy. Because if I lost it all today, I wouldn't have to face that dark place alone. I wouldn't have to give them money to be there. Keep my body right. Or anything. They'll just be there."

He was still eating his cereal like what I was saying didn't phase him. But I knew deep down it did.

"You deserve that type of love Shep. Someone to love you in your dark place. And I know for a fact, your dark place whether you admit it or not, is the death of your dad. He played for OU and the NFL, now you. He wore three, you wore three. You need a woman that when that shit hurts, she'll be there comforting you, whether you're an nfl star or a normal dude.

And every time you essentially give women material possessions or your body to be with you, you're selling yourself short of the love you deserve. I think personally you feel without being "Sterling Shepard" no one will love you. But I promise if you just be yourself, you'll allow the right woman to come along for the right reasons. You won't have to read or anything. Just be you."

"K." O called.

"I gotta get to O, but just take heed baby bro." I got Livy out the chair. "When you leave close the door."

I took Livy and went upstairs.

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And omg, why did O have a lunch box filled with Popeyes getting on the team bus 😂😂