as quiet as a fire

٢

salutations. let me give you a sneak peek of what i once was, am, and will remain;
i was a murderer. but i wasn't your typical murderer with guns and knives and sharp weapons. instead, i had smiles and kisses and pretty words anyone would die to hear – which is exactly what they did. however, i killed slowly, and in the most beautiful way possible. i put butterflies in their guts and when they finally settled down, i chocked them. i spilled magic in their veins and waited till it flew in their blood from head to toe, then sucked it out and spit my venom in it instead. i filled their lungs with rainbows and sunshines then replaced it with nothing but the smell of death itself, accompanied with rust and the sound of a glass heart shattering into pieces. i played a melody so soft yet soaked in pain with their screams, and i danced and danced and danced graciously to it. but when the sound faded and eventually stopped, i didn't. i thought it was fun; i was in control thus i had won. but i didn't, i never did, and i'm still losing till that day. but i also never lost, for i have never truly loved.
— the guilt is eating me alive,
⠀⠀i don't think i will survive.