as quiet as a fire

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that night was nothing like i had expected. i had played it many times in my head but what happened was something even my dreams could have never sewn.
the reality of it was bittersweet. to others, it seemed wrong – forbidden even. but to me, it felt like a holy law i waited too long to follow.

honestly, scratch that. i'm not sure if it was real or if my mind was playing tricks again, i don't know. but what i know is something in me clicked. i had never reacted this fast to anything, i had never felt this hard.
for years, i have heard mouths a few feet away from me whisper about my insensitivity, and i have seen both ears and eyes agree. but that night, all i did was feel.

don't ask me what i felt, i don't remember. i don't think that was a moment of sanity. maybe i was drunk, i don't know. maybe i got drunk off of you and your skin and the sound of your laugh, i also don't know. or maybe that was the only moment i have ever been myself.
i guess the only way i could ever find out is by doing it again. or not. i don't know, do you?

i thought about it last night, it did happen. i was there and so were you and everything was real, but it sure as hell didn't feel like something any human could possibly be part of – it was something bigger, higher, of much greater importance.
maybe it was the work of an unknown god whose magic was too heavenly to go to waste, i still don't know.

i don't think you know too. from the way you looked at me i could tell you were as lost as i am.. not the same lost i was though; you were lost in your own thoughts while i was lost in you.
i don't know, maybe the reality of that night wasn't the issue, but it was you all along.

are you even real?