as quiet as a fire

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12/12/16 8:16 pm

i usually don't cry.
i haven't truly cried in years.
my heart cloud be floating around in waves yet my eyes wouldn't shed a tear.
lately, i've been crying a lot.
well not exactly crying, but i have been shedding a few tears here and there – maybe a bit too much for my liking.
i haven't been feeling well at all.
i look at my mirror and see a flaw to mankind; a flaw that should've been erased long ago.
i used to tell people that trying your best is in fact enough – which i believed was – that the result doesn't matter if you put your heart into it and tried.
yet somehow, my case seems to be different;
because not only my best is not fucking enough, it tends to do a lot more ruining than fixing.
i'm so done with myself.
i honestly don't know how someone could be this good at failing.
i understand people fuck shit up and shit happens here and there,
but i'm so sick of ruining everything i try to fucking fix.
maybe i should accept that i'll never know how to fix anything and step aside.
but i can't.
my dumb ass always needs to try and help, only to realize all it did was wreck it all even more.
maybe it's not my fault.
maybe everyone's just blinded.
but it can't be. it's always my fault,
always has been and always will fucking be.