AMBIVALENT {h.s} [ON HOLD]

Chapter 23.

The next morning when I wake up, I find that Harry and I must have shifted during the night. It's now me that has my arm wrapped around him and he has my hand nestled against his chest. He's still fast asleep, his breathing steady and his face holding a calmness that I don't see often. I don't bother waking him, or even climbing out of bed. I'm off work today and don't have anywhere important to be.

My brain wonders to the topic of Harry and I. I mean what else would I be thinking about? It's either him or how to fix my mess of a life that's overtaking my mind, and Harry is much more pleasant to think about. I mindlessly press a gentle kiss to his shoulder blade and run my fingers through his soft curls. He would never let me do this if he was awake. The fresh scent of his shampoo fills my nostrils and I sigh. How is everything about him so attractive, even the scent of the shampoo he uses?

I trail one hand down his chest underneath the blanket, moving it slowly over his ribs and then his abs. I about jump out of the bed when his hand moves, catching mine in an iron grip. He cackles at my reaction which lets me know he isn't mad. I wonder if he's just woken up or if he's been awake the whole time.

"Enjoying feeling me up when you thought I was asleep?" Harry asks.

I give a tight lipped smile, even though he can't see it. "I was."

He has my hand captured in both of his and brings it up to his mouth. He takes turns sucking on the tips of each of my fingers and by the time he's to my pinky, I'm somehow aching for him elsewhere. How did he do that to me so easily?

"Let's do something today." I suggest.

Harry flips over and climbs on top of me in the blink of an eye. "Like what?"

"Not do something, Harry, like actually go out somewhere and have some fun." I explain.

"This isn't fun?" He asks playfully, pushing his hips against mine.

"On second thoughts. . ."

"I'm joking." Harry says with a laugh. "But later, this body is mine."

A tingle runs down my spine and I hope his threat is a promise. "Why are you so happy today?"

Harry turns over, now facing me with his head still resting on his pillow. "Maybe because I buried myself in a smokin' hot girl last night against my bathroom wall and she's mine to fück whenever I want."

His possessive comment ticks me off for a moment but I decide to keep quiet about it until later. I don't want to ruin this rare playful mood of his.

An hour later I'm showered and back in my clothes from yesterday, since they're the only ones I have at Harry's house. He had showered after me, and it had surprised me that he didn't want to shower together. My mind aimlessly wonders about how he would look naked with streams of water running over his chest.

"I'm driving and I get to decide where we're going." Harry informs me as we head outside.

"Okay," I agree.

We're going north down the freeway and I can't help but to wonder what Harry has planned. This Harry is so different from the one I first met at the bar weeks ago and maybe I'm different too. I don't crave alcohol as much as before and maybe I don't hate my life as much as I use to. Did I drink because I was lonely? I had only been lonely because of my choices to push everyone away. Maybe being around Harry was filling the void that I didn't before realize I had.

Harry turns on the car stereo and a cd begins playing. It's some kind of Indy Rock band that I've never heard before, but it's not bad. I wait for Harry to say something or tell me where we're going, but he doesn't. I sit back and focus on the music as the world passes me by at 60mph.

"We've been driving for like forty minutes. Are you taking me out in the middle of nowhere to murder me or something?" I ask.

"Yes, obviously that's my plan." Harry answers sarcastically.

Harry and I banter back and forth with each other, making stupid, cheesy jokes until he parks his car at the edge of a road. I glance out the window, seeing nothing but nature; trees, big rocks, the road, and more trees.

"You really are going to murder me, aren't you? We're literally in the middle of nowhere."

"Only if you ask me that again." Harry says.

"Why are we out here, though? There's nothing here."

"Yes, there is."

I stay silent as I follow Harry down the street and soon a small park comes into view. It's surrounded by tall pine trees and there's an old train, maybe from the 1800's, at the farthest edge. It sets on a set of broken tracks that no longer lead anywhere. There's one set of swings, a few slides, and a bench, but that's all.

"What is this place?" I ask. Why would he bring me to a random, boring park?

Harry continues forward, heading toward the old train. "I used to come here when I was younger, a lot. It was one of favorite places." He looks distant as his eyes scour the park in front of us. I get the sense that there's more to the story than he's telling me.

"Seems. . . nice." I say, hoping he'll go on. But he doesn't.

We reach the train, and Harry starts to climb onto the metal wire stairs of it. I take in the peeling navy blue paint and the fading yellow lines. Images of a smaller, younger Harry climbing all over this fills my mind.

"Hey!" Harry shouts, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Get up here with me."

I reach for the rusted railing and try to stretch my leg up to the first step. Harry chuckles at my failure and after a minute he reaches down for my hand. I grab it and he helps pull me up. We sit on the other side and dangle our feet over the edge.

"Why did you come here so much, anyways?" I ask.

"To get away." He answers, staring off in the distance at the thick brush of the trees.

He's about to say more when a male voice sounds off from behind us. "Styles! Is that you, man?"

Harry visibly stiffens beside me and twists to see who called for him. "What the fück!" He mutters.

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