AMBIVALENT {h.s} [ON HOLD]

Chapter 25.

Kelsey calls me later in the day and asks if I want to go get smoothies. At first I decline her offer but she ends up talking me into it. Before leaving my apartment I make sure that it's only going to be her and I because I'm not in the mood to deal with boys anymore today.

I meet Kelsey at The Smoothie Shack and it's not as crowded as it usually is. We set near the large picture window at the side and order our drinks. She's going on and on about how she hates her factory job and how the manager must hate her. I'm nod and laugh at the appropriate times but I can't actually focus on our conversation like I should.

The waitress brings us our drinks and when she walks away Kelsey is giving me a strange look. I take a long drink of my strawberry coconut smoothie from the purple curly straw and stay silent.

"What's wrong with you today? You're not yourself."

"Nothing, I'm fine." I say automatically. Am I really fine, though? Of course I am, why wouldn't I be? Harry crosses my mind and how he dismissed me earlier in the day.

"Elena. . ." Kelsey glares at me, trying to look stern.

"I've caught the feels." I blurt.

Kelsey let's out a laugh that resembles the sound of a hyena. "What the hell?"

"I maybe have feelings for Harry, okay?" I stare down at the light washed wood of the table and take long drinks of my smoothie as I wait for Kelsey's response. I know she's going to laugh at me and use Harry's name to tease me for the next week.

Surprisingly she doesn't. "What kind of feelings?"

"I don't know, I really don't. I guess it depends on the day. Sometimes I feel like he's getting under my skin and tapping on my heart, and I want to guard it. Sometimes I find myself wishing he was mine." I explain, feeling like a complete weirdo for saying any of this out loud to another human being. "Other times I just want him to fück me."

"Wow. I had no idea." Kelsey says after a minute. "So how does he feel about all of this."

"I think it depends on the day for him also. . . Or the hour. Harry confuses the hell out of me. He plainly said that he doesn't want a relationship of any kind but he's always sending me mixed signals. It's like he can't make up his mind about how he feels."

"Damn, Elena, you got it bad, girl." Kelsey replies after about a half minute.

"No, it's nothing really. I'm just being over dramatic."

"Nothing? I can tell when someone is passionate about something. . . Or someone, in your case. Your whole face lights up when you talk about him."

"Well he doesn't want me, anyways, so it doesn't matter." I mutter.

Kelsey proceeds with more questions after that, even after we've both finished our smoothies. I don't tell her how Harry likes to blindfold and handcuff me but I do tell her that we've done a few things together. I end up telling her what happened earlier in the day today and admit to her, and myself, that I am kind of bummed about it.

"Well, don't just sit here. Go get him, Elena. Go tell him exactly what you're thinking. Don't waste your time wanting him if you're not even going to try." She encourages.

"Should I?"

"Yes, yes. Go! Now." She sounds so excited that I can't help but laugh.

I strut out the door of The Smoothie Shack feeling fueled with confidence. I can do this. I am going to tell Harry what I've been afraid to admit to myself.

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