Kellic- From The Very Beginning

11) Another boy without a sharper knife

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit to put it lightly. My eyes were swollen, I felt extremely sick, my throat was dry, I felt dizzy, I had a huge headache, so all together I feel dead inside. I looked around to see everyone asleep. I was about to go back to sleep but I felt like I was gonna throw up so I jolted up and went to the bathroom, shoving the door shut behind me.

After throwing up all of the food and drink in my stomach, I sat by the toilet for a while, quietly sobbing to myself trying not to wake anyone else up.

My mind was vivid with unwanted thoughts and memories. Why did I do that? Why do I have to ruin everything, no just for myself but I know that I've probably ruined everyone I know.

I sat there quietly moping to myself for a while before I gained the strength to pick myself up and go back to my room incase anyone woke up. What time is it anyway? It's still quite dark so it ant be morning just yet. I search for my phone in the darkness, squinting my eyes to make sure I don't step on anyone.

After a while of swinging my arms around aimlessly I find my phone, and yes I know it's mine because I'm the only one without a case on my phone. When I turn it on I look away quickly, why is my phone so goddamn bright! I could've been blinded. After my eyes adjust to the bright light I check the time to see that it's only 4 am. Okay do I've had around 5 and a half hours sleep. That's pretty good I've had a decent amount of sleep.

I can't go back to sleep now that I'm awake so might as well do something. I swipe across my phone screen and unlock It, clicking onto Facebook. As soon as it opens I see a picture of Richard and his new boyfriend...kissing. I go to the comments and the caption says 'Like an comment for a tbh from me and my boyfriend'. With my hand that's not holding onto my phone I grip onto the bed sheets beside me tightly feeling hate and sadness wash through me. I across through the comments and see a lot of 'awww' and 'you guys look so cute' but one comment catches my eye, it was left by his new boyfriend by the looks of it and his name was apparently Joshua 'am I better than that other kid then babe?' It reads obviously referring to me 'anyone is better than him, just like you're better than anyone' Richard responds. I decide to voice my uncomfortableness and respond to these comments 'there's no point in not naming when it's obvious who you're on about really is there?' I question, posting the comment before I loose this sudden confidence.

After a while of scrolling through my feed I get a message from Richard...yay. 'Tbh: you were just charity for me, i didn't love you I just pitied you-Richard. Tbh: I don't know why richy would ever fall for an ugly, fat freak like you honestly, even out of pity I would've preferred a dead hobo than you- Richards new and greatly improved boyfriend'. Well...that didn't hurt at all...not a bit.

My grip on my phone tightened as I typed back a response 'I didn't ask for a tbh...'. No more than seconds after I sent that I get a reply 'I thought you would need one though because you can't seem to understand the fact that I love Joshua, I don't love you and is never have so take your desperate hopes and leave me alone. I don't wanna see you,and before you get your hopes up it's not because I get to upset because I love you, no it's the opposite it's because you're so damn ugly it makes me wanna throw up'

I feel my anger rising with each word I read and my mind is running at a million miles an hour. I read it over and over again. He's right you know. No he's not. I'm not only trying to convince the voices but also myself at this point.

I feel a few tears run down my face as I throw my phone on my floor without even thinking about if it'll break. No one has loved you and no one ever will so stop dreaming you're too disgusting to be loved. Small sobs escape my lips as these thoughts and voices fill my head.

I feel something brush over my shoulder almost giving me a heart attack. I jump up and spin around seeing vic sat next to me. I didn't even realise he was awake.

"I'm s-sorry did I wake y-you up" I whisper praying that if I'm quiet my voice will sound less like I've been crying, even though he probably already knows.

"No it's fine don't worry, what's wrong?" He ask curiosity and concern clear in his voice. Do I tell him, if I do then he'll probably think I'm even more pathetic. Then again what more could he do my life's already hell what have I got to lose?

"Well it's a longs story. So a while ago..." well I can't turn back now, I can't tell him everything because I don't want to say that four letter word ever and I never will but I'll either be relieved to get some off my chest properly or regretful hopefully the first.

MERRY EASTER GUYS YOURE ALL 8 TODAY CONGRATS. Anyways here's an update I'm sorry for the wait and it's not much but I tried hope you all enjoyed. Also thanks for the support, I didn't even think I'd get 1 read but now I have 363 and to some that's not a lot but to me it's huge and I can't thank you all enough. love you all, don't cook on lampposts byeeee ~ lucy