I remember there was so much I wanted..
to bury, to forget, to not feel like I was being haunted..by the voice in my head
inhaling smoke while drinking poison
I even took a pill in misery a few times
I remember others seeing something 'cool'
but there was nothing cool about it
why I did it any of it I asked myself all the time now and every time when I finally got sober,
I felt years older, I felt drained and older
an like an older person trying to turn back the clock I chased a high that
would never come back
That completely just faded feeling
so numbing and blissful,
that made me forget who I was,
what sadness and pain was,
So there I was stuck in a loop
like a basketball floating in an out of the rim
dropping over and over through
a game of hoops
'But fuck it, it was something to do'
I'm living out in a city of sins
where it's all about the alcohol, drugs,
and sex, where I'm driving that might be stolen car like it's normal...
Friends back then did so many stupid things...
Just to prove, nothing...
that's how I saw it anyway after-
Half of the time after awhile
I saw it for what it was, nothing and
It's just weird when it stops being fun
faking the excitement or thrill over...nothing
Bad had its perks, it brought money
I guess that was enough for them, I guess
It made little difference for me I just thought
'Fuck it , it was something to do'
They Spent it on themselves,
indulging themselves in sins
an they were happy with that life...
while i was there, faded
But I don't wanna be high like this while just ,
never really knowing why while just,
In a room full of people or so called friends
doing nothing..just existing
Where I'm from there are two types of people
the really angry ones or the really calm ones
on rare occasions you find some who are
different,better even but the worse ones hide
either way it all became repetitive and boring..
My heart was cold but mostly lonely
never knowing who to trust with it,
my sins turned to lust
The fake love from girls passed the time, and
the cheated love from girls became tiring
in the end they had me stuck up on that phase
where all I know, are the really sad songs
Solitary confinement...
I became a ghost, slowly fading
'my name was like a reminder
of a cool person people forgot'
And I can't keep a girl close, not really
cause they lie so much, before the sun
even comes up and I cared less than ounce after we were done
So in the end...
I cut 'em all loose, but it was me also
the truth is I wouldn't open up even if someone had shown interest in wanting more
Then there I was, stuck on a phase
stuck in a loop of endless pain
where all I know are the really sad songs...
