It was a big big world,
full of so much pain and sadness
I thought I was bigger,
I thought that I was stronger
Till I met the rest of the world
which broke me so easily, and I learned
reality was cruel pushing each other to the limits, forcing each other to learn quicker
By twelve smoking herb and drinking that burning liquor like it was water
just to numb the pain, where do I begin?
innocence faded away so quickly
Never had a father there for me, mother never wanted to accept her own reality let alone accept me, and my step father drowned himself in so much alcohol he couldn't tell who was friend or foe abusing those close,
expressing his pain physically
I held so much hate for them both...
then that hate turned to pity
I always had that dream of a happy family...it seems like everyone else's reality except mine
I told myself only those I really love, will ever really know me
I was boy and the morning sun was such a sad sight and the night sky was a painful sight, life was lonely life was painful
I don't know know when this started ...
I was writing about everything that I saw before me I realized it more this was such a sad story...but I was still a child and I had hope
That like a fairy tale the ending would be a happy one of love & happiness that one day things will change and I'll be okay
but in this harsh reality called life...
no one saved me
The hero doesn't always get the girl,
people who get close will leave or die,
love ones would break your heart,
friends will stab you in the back...
And my mother would never love me
or accept me
....Once I was seven years old
I laid on the floor beaten, as my flesh was still burning on my back, and yet
I can hear the argument still going,
I get up...and just walk away
But the voices in my head are now always arguing and yelling at me I can't shut them out now or make them stop
I give up on them, I can't save my mother no more than she can save me...now I feel her bruises as well , my heart is dead now I realize they deserve each other they both abuse those closes too them... I realize
I can't change the true nature of monsters
In trying to do so...I became them
...emotionally detached like my mother
and like my step father...
as I walk awayI grabbed the pack of cancer he always inhaled so much and the bottle that burns his throat I understood then why he needs them so much and my mothers anti depressants seem to work
Feeling this way...everything seem too work
why are they so angry..I understood now even though I'm numb my hatred is there
I walked away as my real father did...
onto a strangers bed....
submissive some days then dominant some nights...
But I understood more
Why they were the monsters they were
In reality...now I was no different
This is simply my version..of all three
