It Doesn't Matter, You Still Left

Chapter 4

I rolled out of bed and looked at the clock, surprisingly it was only 7:30 but I wasn't tired enough to roll over and go back to sleep like I usually do. I felt happy this morning.

I whipped off the covers and swung my feet off the bed. I walked out of my room into the bathroom using the loo then I went downstairs.

I grabbed my phone off the kitchen table where I'd left it last night and saw I had a new message from a blocked number.

Blocked

Hey Love, see you soon.;)

Ugh. I forgot I was meeting up with Niall this morning.

I decided to save his number in my phone, after I did that I walked up stairs. I peeked into Paisley's room, she was still sleeping. I walked back into the bathroom and striped out of my clothes. I jumped into the warm shower and washed up quickly. When I got out I wrapped my towel around my body and walked into my room changing into a pair of jean shorts with a flowery loose fitted top. I threw my hair into a ponytail letting two pieces of hair frame my face.

I walked downstairs and ate some cereal before I heard Paisley start crying. I put my dishes in the sink and ran upstairs into her room where she was in her crib holding onto the bars screaming.

"Mumma." She reached her arms up when she saw me, wiggling her fingers.

"Hi Paise." I cooed and picked her up wiping the left over tears from her chubby little cheeks

I changed her diaper, as usual, and then got her dressed into her pink feety pajamas since we're going out early, it might be cold for her.

I brought her downstairs into the living room. I put her in her car seat carrier and buckled her up then carried her to the car getting her seat together. I jumped into the passenger seat and drove away from my house heading towards the park.

I pulled into the parking lot across from the park and got out popping the trunk, I grabbed the stroller and opened it up sticking the diaper bag in the back. I grabbed Paisley out of her car seat and buckled her into her stroller. I locked the car and walked across the street into the park.

I went over what to say, what I was going to say, and if I should tell him. Finally I decided that I should just ditch it, great way to solve problems... just walk away and go home never leaving my house. I like that idea.

Right when I was trying to talk myself out of leaving my phone buzzed in my back pocket. I sighed pulling it out.

Niall:

Hey, meet me near the side of the park opposite of the lot. I'm near the tables there's no one here

. I saw Niall right away. There was no one around, a few old couples walking but no crazy fans. It was nice.

Niall spotted me right away and his facial expression changed. His eyes trailed from a tree to me, he smiled and stood up walking over to me.

His red pants were skinny and baggy, he had a white Jack Wills hoodie on and white high tops, his blond hair was quaffed up, a new hair style of his I guess.

"Hi." He greeted me coming up to my side

"Hey." I bit my bottom lip, a nervous habit of mine

"Babysitting again?" He asked

"mmhmm." I mumbled

We walked over to the table Niall was previously at and sat down. I pushed the carriage near my, Paisley was asleep inside.

"She's adorable." Niall smiled, looking at the little mini him sleeping in the carriage

"Ya, she's adorable." I nodded

"Do you watch her a lot?" He asked trying to get a conversation started

"Uh, Niall, you wanted me to come here. What did you want to talk about," I changed the subject just wanting to get this over with

"Well we haven't seen each other in two years, I'm sure there's a lot to talk about. And I have questions that need answers."

"Ok." I sighed "Hit me."

"Ok so.. I just want to know why you, well, why did you change you're attitude about me going on X-Factor only a few days before I left?" he asked looking for the right words

What do I say?

 Flashback

I fell to the floor dropping the three tests that were in my hand. I buried my face in my knees sobbing loudly, Niall wasn't home so it didn't matter.

"Why? This can't be happening! He's going to hate me." I cried out loudly laying on my side hugging my knees

Over

I looked at Niall, my lip quivered.

"Don't cry." He scooted closer to me and put a hand on my cheek wiping away a tear I'd let escape.

The butterflies instantly began flying around my stomach. My eyes lit up, his expression softened and I looked down at his lips, I wanted to kiss him so bad..but no, I won't let myself be week.

I grabbed his hand and pushed it away from my face reluctantly. He still wanted an answer but I was to nervous ton give it. If only he just knew.. I should've told him before he left.

"Please. Tell me." He pleaded in a hushed tone

"I-I, I found something out before you left." I said looking down at my hand on my lap

"Was it bad?"

"Well, back then I thought it was.. I mean, right now it only feels bad because I didn't tell you." I glanced up at him then looked back down at my hands

"Tell me what?" His face was expressionless

"Tha-that, I can't do this." I rested my elbows on the picnic table and hid my head in my hands.

"Please Martha, please just tell me." He gently placed his hand on my bare knee sending a slight shiver up my spine

I couldn't look at him, I kept my head in my hands refusing to make eye contact...

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