Why Me? (A One Direction FanFiction)

Chapter 6

"I am not innocent," I tell them vehemently. My eyes flick from each one of them as I put as much venom as I can muster behind each word. It causes Harry to look away when my eyes stay glued to his for a second longer than needed. That was too intense for him, obviously, otherwise he wouldn't of looked away so quickly. I am most definitely not innocent. Never have been. Never will be. I was destined for disaster ever since my mother was impregnated.

"Do you guys, erm, wanna grab a couple mattresses?" Neil interrupted and then coughed awkwardly. I look at all the boys and they seem frozen for a second before they are quick to reply with a sure or an agreement of some sort. Everybody leaves, with the exception of Harry, to go grab some mattresses. Why are they grabbing their mattresses? Why on Earth would they need them in the living room? It just doesn't make sense. A mattress. In the living room. I don't get it. I decide to voice my opinions to Harry, "Why...?" I ask wearily. Harry just chuckles.

"This is what we always do. Couches are very uncomfortable to sleep on but a mattress is not. We will probably all crash here, in the living room, tonight so we just want to be prepared," Harry smirked at me as his face morphed into a 'duh' kinda one; with his eyebrows raised and his face tilted to the side. Harry's eyes popped a little bit out of his head too.

Oh... they all just... sleep together? Yeah I understand Harry and Louis because they are a couple (in denial) and all but are the rest of them gay? I wouldn't be surprised if Neil was. He looks to be gay with his obviously died blonde hair and his baby face that comes off as gay? But then Liam. He looks pretty darn straight. Straight as a board, actually. But he could always be the 'guy' figure in the relationship. Most gay couples have one person acting as the male figure and the other acting as the female figure. So, Liam could be gay and just have the 'male' role in the relationship. I don't think that Zayn is gay in the slightest. If what Harry told me earlier was true, Zayn is engaged to a girl. Maybe Zayn is bi and likes both of the sexes. It could be possible. I guess all then have feelings for men....

"Why don't you find yourself... innocent?" Harry questions right in the middle of my thoughts. Damn, thought we moved on from this topic. I don't like this topic but I knew it was coming.  I want to be innocent.  I want to have a normal life.  But shit happens and my life is fucked up! I can't change that! Harry already knows that I've sold myself.  What more of an explanation does he need?

"I uhh... sold myself," I speak to Harry while my eyes are looking straight at the ceiling.  The ceiling has a nice pattern.  It has swirly flowers that pop off of it.  The ceiling is very plain but the texture of the crevices add so much more alluring qualities to it.  Captivating, is the ceiling.  

Harry stays silent for a moment before he elaborates, "How does that not make you innocent?" He asked softly.  I just roll my eyes at his stupidity.  What a stupid question.  Just the idea of... selling yourself... is awful.  Nobody that I know (that has a semi normal life) would ever even consider that awful way of life.  I just wish I could leave right now so I wouldn't have to answer this embarrassing question.  But, since I am leaving in just a few hours, never to return may I add, I think that the least that I owe him is just a teeny tiny bit of the truth.  I will open up to him just a tad bit and then leave.  Harry won't ever see it coming.  The perfect blind side, if you ask me.  

"Harry..." I begin and then pause to collect my over abundance of thoughts.  I take a shaky breath in and begin to continue, "I sold myself.  There isn't an ounce of innocence in doing that.  I lost my innocence when I was 13 and I haven't had it since.  I won't get my innocence back.  I lost it.  Gone.  Forever."

"By innocence do you mean," Harry stops mid sentence, I suppose he is contemplating on what his next selection of words will be.  Harry is quick when he breaths in then lets the word out, "Virginity?"