thoughts, poems and teenage shit

New door

It's easy to miss somebody at 10 pm when you're laying in your bed falling asleep.

But who do you miss at 2 pm, when you're in biology class, or at sports practices or out with friends?

 Is it me?

 Is it me that you miss when you you feel that twang in your chest that something is missing? 

When you miss the rush of blood through your veins and the way your heart beat was as fast as a hummingbird, is it because you miss me? 

 Are you like me, finding temporary solutions to make your heart feel the way it did when we were in each other's arms?

 My writing used to flow with words about you then it slowed like a stream in the summer as the pain I felt in my chest intensified at the thoughts of how you used to make me feel. 

As the words slowed I started to forget you; it was like you left and the memory of love left right along side of you.

 I stopped writing until I remembered your words were the reason I found myself in my own. 

I know my friends say I'm immortalizing you in my heart by spilling my words out on this paper, but I disagree.

 I'm immortalizing the memory of love. 

The look in your eyes when you saw me after I drove countless hours to see you, or told you a story about my day, or when I broke down in front of you and poured my heart out because life was a game and I thought I was losing. 

 It's the way we played ball and emptied out our souls on the court, or in bed, or on the phone. 

 It is the memories of innocence, of watching the waves, first glances, and learning to make up after you hurt me with that other girl. 

It just happens that you're the source of what I'm immortalizing. 

I'd go to the ends of the earth to find a colour that matched your eyes.

 Its because it's you, it'll always be you and that thought used to hold me down as I struggled to fly without having your wind beneath my wings.

 But now I'm flying on my own, and please know I locked the door to my heart when you left that night, but for you it is always open. 

You didn't hold the key to my heart.... You were the key.

Now I just need to find a new door.