In the Middle

Chapter Fifteen

-I do not own the credits for the song used in this chapter-

The drive was an eternity. I stared out the window for what felt like forever. Where were we? It couldn't have been that far if Percy, Annabeth, and Mavis were able to find us...me so quickly. When my forever ended and we were finally back at camp, I was wallowing in dispear. As I walked into camp a few campers welcomed me back and asked where Lance was. I ignored them and kept walking until I got to my cabin. When I opened the door, there was a girl sitting on one of the uninhabited beds. It was Alexis. My blood boiled. Not her, not now, not here.

"You've got to be kidding me." I mumbled under my breath. Alexis grinned.

"Welcome back." I didn't even glance in her direction and started for my bed. "Why are you in here? Shouldn't you be with your boyfriend?" I stopped and turned to her. "That is who you were with right? The blonde one?" I nodded slowly. "So, where is he?"

"He's dead." I whipped around and rushed out of the cabin. I headed for Lance's cabin. When I opened the door, I was haunted by all the moments we'd spent in this room. But, I didn't leave. Apollo campers stared at me.

"Where's Lance?" One of the girls, Emily, had a concerned look. I bit my lip and shook my head. A collective gasp came from all of his half-siblings who were in the room. I sat on his bed. I glanced at the pictures on the wall above the head of his bed. Most of them were of us. I took each down, one by one, and clutched them to my chest. I missed him already. There, I sat until dinner came. Emily asked me if I was coming.

"No." It was a whisper.

"Come on, you've got to eat." So, I stood and followed her to the dining pavilion. When people gave me looks Emily glared back at them.

"Thank you." Emily nodded and retreated to her table when we arrived at mine. I sat across from Alexis, staring down at the empty plate.

"You okay?" I looked up. Alexis had worry on her face. I nodded, but Alexis didn't seem convinced. Everyone started getting up, taking there plates. I glanced down at mine and it was, in fact, piled with food. Alexis and I made our way to the small fire and emptied part of our meal into it. We headed back to our table and Alexis ate in silence. I picked up my fork but couldn't put it to use and ended up just setting it down and staring off into the distance. Finally, the meal was over and campers started swarming to the campfire. I merely went back to Lance's cabin. I resumed my position on his bed. He had loved music. Without thinking, I began to sing in a hushed voice.

"You were once my one companion. You were all that mattered. You were once a friend-" I broke off there, trying to keep from crying. I picked it up again, in a whisper. "Then my world was shattered. Wishing you were somehow here again. Wishing you were somehow near. Sometimes it seems if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here. Wishing I could here your voice again, knowing that I never would. Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could." I stopped again, putting my hand over my mouth. Don't cry, don't cry. I started the song again, reminding myself that Lance adored music. Wondering if I could reach him through it, with this thought in mind, I raised my voice a bit. "Too many years fighting back tears. Why can't the past just die? Wishing you were somehow here again, knowing we must say, 'Goodbye.' Try to forgive, teach me to live. Give me the strength to try. No more memories, no more silent tears. No more gazing across the wasted years. Help me say, 'Goodbye.' Help me say, 'Goodbye.'" I buried my face in my hands. The thing he loved most wouldn't bring him back. The hardest part was knowing it never would.

"You have a lovely voice." I jumped. Emily and a handful of her siblings stood in the doorway.

"Thank you...." I got up, grabbing the pictures from of the bed. "I'm sorry. I was just about to go."

"It's fine." The small crowd pooling at the door parted for me as I made my way out of the cabin. I sped toward the Aphrodite cabin, my cheeks burning from embarrassment. I flung open the door to see Brittney talking to Alexis. They both went silent when I entered the room and shut the door behind me. Brittney hugged me tightly. I just stood there, hoping she would let go. When she did, I pushed past her. I set the pictures on my nightstand and started taking down the set that was taped above my headboard.

"Starr?" I stopped, throwing the pictures to the ground then, sitting cross-legged, burying my face in my hands. Brittney sat on the edge of my bed. "What's wrong?"

"Besides the obvious." Alexis added from further behind. I looked up, tears welling in my eyes.

"Did I really love him?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did I really love him? Or did I just...like him?"

"I don't know, Starr. I really have no idea."

"I'm taking his death too hard, aren't I? I mean, it makes sense to be upset right? But, devastated?" I laughed through the tears. "I even sang." Brittney laughed. She knew it was probably the last thing I would want to do. It's not that I was bad at it, I just hated doing it.

"Then, I'd say you loved him." My smile vanished and I looked down. "And I know that he loved you." I sighed and brushed my cheeks to free them of tears.

"You were right." Brittney furrowed her brow.

"What do you mean?"

"You said I was going to get hurt."

"Yeah." Brittney replied in a small voice.

"I think it's about time I get to be the one who does the hurting, don't you?" I gave a small, wicked smile. No more would I play this game. I would not be the one who gets destroyed. I was done being weak. It was high time for the weak one to be someone I knew quite well. Luna would no longer be able to hurt me.