trapdoor//joshler

Chapter 13: The Last Trapdoor

   I slammed the door with my back pressed against it, and cried. I cried and cried until I forgot how to. I took the razor and stabbed my wrist with it, leaving red marks everywhere it was in contact with. I ran around the house looking for something, anything. I didn't know what I was looking for or where I'd find it. But it has to be somewhere. Purpose. Where was it and why am I looking for it. I didn't have a purpose to live! I don't need some stupid voice to tell me that anymore, I already knew. I looked around and saw my sisters vitamins, old prescriptions, and stomach medicine. I poured them all into my hand and dry-swallowed them half at a time. I then ran to the bathroom with my heart pounding and I felt like something was punching me in the stomach. My dismal thoughts dangled in front of my eyes as I ran the water to the bathtub.

Something knocked at my front door.

 I ignored it and slammed the door to my bathroom. The water was filled up. My mind went dreary and blurry. My sight was now only showing certain colors as I stepped into the overflowing tub. 

 I heard the door. It was slammed down. Whoever they were, they were running up the stairs to the bathroom. I sunk my head down. I didn't even care to take a final breath. My vision was purple... then black.

black.

(Josh's view.)

  I slammed down the door an ran as fast as I could up too the bathroom. The door was unlocked. I hated what I saw. I didnt have time to puke or gag from the sight.

 "TYLER! TYLER PLEASE!" I pulled him up out of the water and put my ear to his chest. I ran across from the bathroom to his mom's room and called 911, then his parents, sobbing.

I ran back.

 "Don't worry Tyler you're getting help just please stay with me. Stay alive, for me!"

  My own mind went black as I leaned against his wet, bleeding body. Words couldn't express how hard I was sobbing. I felt someone pull me off of him and take him away. I ran behind them with his blood dripping off my hair and face. I ran faster than I ever had before. They threw him in the back of the ambulance and drove off.  I ran across the street to my car and sped off behind them. I couldn't lose him.

  They took him to his room and I tried to run in with them. They pushed me back but I still fought forward. Another man behind me tugged my shoulders and I fell to the ground. They closed the door. The man left. And I was alone. Alone. Just like Tyler was. God how I shouldn't have left him alone. I shouldn't have answered that door. I shouldn't have let her kiss me. I shouldn't have trusted her. He shouldn't have trusted me.
    .

"Josh, would you like to say something?" Mrs. Joseph asked me. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she'd been crying. Crocodile tears. She hadn't loved him like I did. No one had. It almost felt like she was taunting me, but she didn't know. She didn't know it was my fault. I cost him his life because I just couldn't find the courage to save him. And that was the secret I was going to die with.

I stood up, and walked toward the front of the church. I stood in front of the microphone, looking overhead of all of Tyler's relatives that I'd never seen before. They didn't even know me. But they all came today to share the grief of the loss of such a beautiful person, as the announcer would tell us. I felt the remorse of five days ago all weighted down on me. This was all of my fault. I knew exactly what was going to happen yet I couldn't prevent myself from facing it. This was my purpose. I needed to keep his soul alive. I needed to be the Tyler Joseph everyone else knew. I needed to play his role. This is what I was made to do. i opened my mouth in front of the crowd of men and women, sisters and brothers. And I said two words. 

"I'm sorry."
I planned to say more, but I couldn't.

Then five more words shot their way out.

"I love you Tyler Joseph."

i love you too, joshua dun.