somewhere with you : sidney crosby

xiii.

i leaned back into the chair with my feet propped on the bed next to Sidney's. the heart rate monitor became a metronome for my breathing. it was nearly five and with my laptop propped on my legs i rewatched and rewatched the video. each time it hurt me more, each time i desperately wanted him to wake up.

"i should've said yes, sid, i should've stayed with you. damn it i should've been here. i'm sorry baby."

i buried my face i my hands and began to sob.

"you can't blame yourself maggie," a voice spoke up from the doorway.

i turned around to see my brother in law standing in the doorway.

"beau?"

he smiled and walked in. i stood in awe and walked into his arms and hugged him tightly, "hey kid," he mumbled.

"how are you? how's bailey? the kids?" i asked.

"all perfect. all will be here in the morning."

i nodded and took my seat in the chair again then reached for sidney's hand.

"why did i leave?" i asked wishing he could give me an answer.

"because you needed to. maggie he shouldn't have put you in the situation he did."

"did he ever tell you what happened the night we broke up?" i asked.

"no he wouldn't ever tell me. i just know he did something that pushed you further away than you already were."

i sighed and played it quickly through my head before looking up at beau, " he asked me to marry him that night. he begged me to marry him. he asked me to stay and to marry him. he wanted me to go to school here stay here and he the wife he wanted. the wife i wasn't meant to be. he wanted a family i wanted to live my life. back then staying was the worst possible thing to happen but now with how he is at this moment i wish i would have. i wish i would've been the wife he wanted."

"you were 18 maggs. he couldn't expect you to give up every dream you ever had to be soccer mom in a minivan. you needed to leave and finally breathe."

"i told him i needed to chase my dreams. as if he wasn't every dream i ever has. now i may have lost him forever."

beau let out a soft sigh and rubbed small circles on my back. "go home for the night sweetie. i'll stay and call you if anything happens."

i nodded and stood up. i shoved my laptop and the charger into my backpack and walked down the long corridors of the hospital
until i was outside. i hailed a cab and told them address to sidney's apartment.

when i walked in it was the way i left it. his keys were on the counter. our picture on the fridge and a basket of laundry was sitting next to his couch.

i dropped my stuff and walked into his room. i grabbed my sweat pants and a shirt from the top of the closet to put them on. when i pulled the pants from their shelf a black box fell out out of them and opened in the floor. i saw the ring he picked out.

*flashback*

"you're breaking up with me?" he asked with his back to me. his eyes stayed glued on the skyline view outside his window so i wouldn't see the tears rolling down his red cheeks.

"i have to. we can't do this. it won't work."

he reached down in his pocket and pulled out a box, "then don't leave. stay here. move in with me. build a life with me."

"sidney..."

he walked over to me and lifted the ring up, "Margret Lindsey Tucker will you please be my wife and bother me for the rest of our lives?"

"i can't. i love you but i can't. i wish this could be how our lives turned out but it's not and it won't be. we both need to learn how to be without the other."

"i can't go on without you Maggie. i can't. i won't."

"sidney you have to let me do this. if you love me you'll let me go."

"i can't maggs i can't do this. you...you need to leave."

"sid..." i inches towards him and places my hand on his bicep.

"just go maggie. just leave. that's what you always do. you just walk out like i don't matter. like my feelings don't matter. they were right you only stick around until it gets hard. just leave." he screamed.

i sniffled and nodded slightly before walking out of the room and more importantly out of his life.

*present day*

"so when will he wake up?" i asked anxiously.

"it's hard to tell," the doctor replied with his eyes glued to the clip board in front of him.

geno stepped behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders while the doctor continued on about all of our options for sidney. i was left making them until his mother arrived. i looked down at the ring he got me hanging on the gold chain he always wore that now draped around my neck.

"is there a chance he won't wake up?"

"we don't know, Ms Tucker, there really isn't anyway to know. his brain is in the process of fixing itself. we just have to wait and see"

i nodded and leaned over the bed to kiss him. his eyes fluttered like they always did when i kissed him letting me know that he knew i was there. it was all the comfort i had.

@mtucky: back in the burgh means back on the ice with a russian & a few canadians #family