Love & Pain: Rain

Secret Love Letter.

I hope you can understand
Why I have hidden this from you,
I just can't tell you,
I can't let you know.

What I feel for you,
What I've done for you,
And you don't even notice,
But that's alright.

I want to explain you
Everything,
In this humble letter,
And I hope you feel the same as I felt when I wrote it.

Hey:
It's been more than three years,
And I can still remember the first day I saw you,
And the first thing I thought about you.

I remember,
That you saw me,
But you probably didn't care who I was,
I'm already used to it.

I remember,
When I sneak my head towards you,
When you were writing at class,
And you never knew.

I remember,
The day, the professor asked us to write a poem,
And I wrote it for you.
And I kept it from you.

I felt so nervous,
You looked at me,
With those intense eyes of yours,
But you probably were counting the seconds for class to end.

I hesitated a bit at the start,
And I looked out at the window,
Trying my best not to look at you,
But j couldn't help but end my pharse, looking at you.

I remember,
When my books fell from my hands,
And you walked pass me,
And helped me pick them up.

"Thank you." I said,
While I enjoyed the moment I got to see you so close,
"It's nothing." You said, nonchalantly,
And I just saw you walk away.

I remember,
How pissed I was,
When all the girls from school or class flirted at you,
But to none of them you pay attention to.

And sometimes,
I saw you walk at lunch to the yard,
You had an agenda in your hand,
A pen in your hand.

You never had lunch,
I just saw you write the whole time,
And I couldn't help but wonder;
"What does write there?"

"His secrets,
His feelings,
Probably his love,
Or just his torment, was written there." I thought.

I dreamed with founding that book,
And reading every letter in it,
I wanted to read you,
Read you heart.

I knew something was into you,
Something that never left you alone,
Something that was disturbing you.

And I knew that I was shy and coward enough to talk to you,
But every time I told myself I was going to,
Something pulled me back.

I don't know if it was me,
Or just the way that you looked,
And you looked so quiet,
That it almost scary to talk with you.

I was scared.
I still am.

Since that day,
That you no longer were there,
In that seat,
In that yard.

I knew I had lost you,
I knew I was stupid,
I regretted every time,
I had the opportunity to talk with you.

And it's been a while,
And I still have the hope,
That someday,
I can see you again.

And I hope you can understand,
Why I never talked to you.

It was shyness.
Your silence.

I always longed that moment,
When I would finally tell you everything,
Everything I felt for you,
Since the very first day I saw you.

And I would finally,
Touch those lips,
Those lips I've been waiting for them to kiss me.

And feel your warm arms,
Wrapped around me,
Protecting me,
Never letting me go.

And I'd just...
Just be by your side,
Forever.

I'd never let you go.

And I remember so many things,
And I have so many stories,
That I wish I could tell you.

And still,
This insignificant letter,
Is nothing,
Compared of all those millions of words I want to tell you.

This letter,
This words,
This poems,
Are just a little sliver of what I feel for you.

I wish I could tell you,
But when I see you,
And if I see you again,
Words can't form what I wan to say.

But despite so many things,
I still remain with me,
Now you know,
That I was the one from the corner.

The one you never noticed,
The one who loved you.
Who truly loved you.

Me.

...

originally posted: December 15, 2016.