Don't Fear the Reaper

Too Much

You didn't leave his side. The entire time he lay there in that cold panic room, on that tiny cot that he didn't even fit on, you stayed by his side. Dean came and went, checking up on Sam, but not wanting to take away your time from his brother. Both of you could hear the ticking of the invisible clock, knowing you had only a short amount of time before you had to leave. He understood that, giving you space.

You used it to memorize every aspect of Sam's face. The way his dark lashes touched the top of his cheeks. How his long locks kept falling down to cover his eyes no matter how many times you reached over to brush back the silky locks. The little mole on the right side of his nose, and the cleft in his chin. You couldn't wait for his eyes to open, so you could memorize the different swirls of colors they were, the marbled blues and greens with brown in between.

You couldn't wait for him to smile at you, to pull you close with his long, strong arms. Even if it meant that you could only feel those arms around you a couple more times before you had to leave.

Feeling a tear trickle down your cheek, you couldn't believe that your time with him was coming to an end. That you would only be able to enjoy these things for a couple more days before he would be out of your life forever. 

"Still not awake?" Dean asked, coming to stand next to you, staring down at his baby brother. You could tell how worried he was the longer Sam stayed unconscious, and you didn't blame him. It also kind of made you feel better, knowing you would be leaving Sam in such capable hands. 

"Not yet." You said, watching as your time with Sam slowly ticked away. You wanted him to wake up, so you could spend what little time you had together, not watching him and waiting.

"So, if this doesn't work, Death's contract is out of the question, right?" Dean asked, leaning against the wall.

"I'm not sure." You answered softly, noticing the small change in Sam's facial expressions. He started frowning, his head slightly moving. "Dean." You said his name a little louder, and he came over, noticing as Sam twitched his fingers. 

Both of you waited for baited breath to see if he was going to wake up, and what he was going to be like. Minutes passed, and finally you saw a glimpse of his beautiful hazel eyes, his focus fuzzy. His hand reached out, grasping for anything, and you gave him your hand. Squeezing it, his attention focused on you, a smile on his face.

"Y/N?" He asked, his voice shaky as he slowly moved to sit up. Dean came rushing to his aid, helping him until his legs were over the side of the cot, and he was sitting up. Still Dean kept his hand on his brother's shoulder, as if assuring himself Sam was okay, that Sam was once again awake and there with you. 

"I'm here." You said, your voice almost catching on the nagging thought in your mind. The constant reminder of not for much longer. He reached forward, pulling you out of your chair, your legs tangling with his as he held you tight to his chest, almost squishing you in the process.

Dean stepped back then, giving you privacy. "I'll be in the kitchen." He said, and you knew how hard it must have been for him to step away, and you would always be thankful for it.

"Sam." You answered, and you could already feel the difference in him. His touch was kinder, the way he held himself was completely different than when he had no soul. 

"What happened? How am I here?" He asked, leaning back but never removing his arms from you. 

"What do you remember?" You asked him, not wanting to say anything that would mess up Death's work. 

He scrunched his nose together as he thought. "I remember being in the cemetery. I had taken control of Lucifer, and jumped in the cage. But you, and Dean. Oh, and Cas." He said, his thoughts torn, and you could see how dismayed he was at what had gone down that fateful day.

"Dean and I are okay. So is Cas, and Bobby. Everyone's good." You assured him. Cas came back, somehow, and saved us."

"But how am I here? Please don't tell me you went down to hell." He started, and you stopped him.

"We aren't sure what got you out." You said, telling the truth. "And right now, I don't care. You're here with me, and that's all that matters."

Sam's mouth was on yours before you had even finished talking, his hands wrapping tightly in your hair. You let him take what he needed, while you tried to memorize the feel of his lips against yours. The way he would nip and lick, his hands forcing your head to tilt the way he liked it. It was a forceful kiss, one that had you gasping for air as soon as he pulled away. 

"Come on, let's go see Bobby. Get you some food in you. I know your brother is itching to spend some time with you too." You said, even though you could have stayed down there in that small room with him, by yourself, for the rest of the week.

He agreed, following you up the stairs, where Bobby and Dean were sitting at the table waiting. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Bobby said, pulling Sam tight for a quick hug. "Made you a sandwich."

Sam sat down, eating the sandwich while talking to the two most important men in his life. You watched them for a moment, before everything hit you at once, and you started to feel overwhelmed. "Excuse me." You muttered, before rushing outside. Past the Impala, and Bobby's beat up car you ran, until you hit the end of Bobby's junk yard. Falling to your knees, you let the tears fall, surprised you could still cry since you had your powers back. 

Maybe you shouldn't have taken Death up on his offer. Maybe you should have gone with him right away. It probably would have been easier than this. Having Sam back, but knowing you only had a short time before it would all be over with, and you would be back to your emotionless life. It was too much to handle, and you felt as if your chest was going to rip itself open it hurt so bad.

"Y/N?" Dean yelled, making his way around the beat up car, stopping in his tracks when he saw you. "What's wrong?"

"I don't think I can do this." You sobbed, and he came forward, dropping to his knees, a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

Trying to sniffle back your tears, you explained. "It's too much. Seeing him, feeling so happy with him. I love him so much, and it's killing me that I have to leave! That I will never be able to be back here with him. And with you."

He pulled you in for a tight hug, rubbing your back. "It's only temporary. It has to be. We have Sam back now, and we will work on a way to get you away from Death, back to us where you belong."

"But, he's Death. No one can go against him." You said, trying to calm down. 

"Have you met us? We're the Winchesters. If anybody can go against Death, it's us." He promised, making you feel a little bit better about your future.