Don't Fear the Reaper

Lucifer's Hold

The next couple of days were tough, for both you and the Winchesters. Never staying too long in the same hotel, the three of you traveled, never really looking for a job. Just trying to get back in the swing of working together once again. 

At almost every place you had your own hotel room, and you were grateful. It was hard enough seeing Sam everyday, see how he seemed to be a shell of the man he used to be. Waging an inner battle, a part of you wanted to be there for him, forgetting the promise you had made to yourself. The other part wanted to stay as far away as possible, keeping your heart unattached. 

At another name forgotten hotel, you stood at the window, watching as Sam placed the sidewalk, muttering to himself. His hair was dull, and he had dark circles under his eyes.

"Leave me alone." You could hear him muttering, as his gaze landed beside the vending machine. Seeing nothing there, you realized he must be seeing Lucifer again.

Sighing, you stepped outside, wrapping your arms tightly around your waist, trying to protect yourself from the brisk breeze. "Sam?" You said softly, not wanting to startle him.

It was useless, with his state of mind everything startled him,  and he jumped before glancing your way. "Is everything okay?"

Shaking his head, you frowned when he glanced back over to the vending machine. "Does everything look okay? I'm talking to Lucifer, and no one else can see him! I haven't slept in 48 hours, and I feel like my life is falling apart!"

"Sam, come with me." You suggested, holding out your hand. "I'm real, and I want to help you."

"That's what he says. That he's real, and he's just made you up to torment me."

The horrified, kicked puppy look he was giving you had your resolve shattering. Striding over to him, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your lips tightly to his. At first you could feel his hesitation, as he tried to decide for himself if you were real.  But then, slowly his arms came up, wrapping themselves in your hair as he hungrily took what you offered.

Letting him take over the kiss, you weren't surprised at how desperate, how needy it was. His hands roamed up and down your body, his tongue sweeping through your long, familiarizing itself with your taste once again

"Thank you." He breathed, pressing his forehead to yours.

"Can you tell what's real now?" You asked him, hoping your plan had worked.

He glanced back over at the vending machine before giving you a huge smile. "He's gone." He said happily.

"Good. If he's gone, that means you can get some sleep. Come with me." You ordered, and like a gigantic puppy he followed you into your room. Pointing to your bed, you ordered him to lay down, not surprised when he didn't argue.

Yawning, he reached down you. "Stay. Please."

Sighing, you slid into the bed, automatically getting pulled into his arms. With him spooning behind you, you slowly felt the tension fade from his body, as sleep finally came to the troubled man.

Just laying there, you relaxed in his arms, considering yourself stupid for passing this up. With your Purgatory state of mind slowly slipping away, you knew how much you loved this man. How you would do anything for him.

About fifteen minutes had passed, and you slowly slid out of his arms, knowing you needed to find Dean before he became worried. Looking down at Sam, you were grateful to see his face calm, his long eyelashes dusting his cheeks. Pulling the blanket over him, you grabbed your key, before silently leaving the room.

With a couple of short knocks on Dean's door, it was opened. He stood there, his coat half on,  his phone pressed to his ear. "Hey, I was just getting ready to call you." He exclaimed. "Have you seen Sam?"

"Yeah, he's sleeping in my bed." You assured him, closing his door behind you.

Dean just stood there. "Sleeping? Sam hasn't been able to sleep for a while now. He tries to hide it from me, but I can tell."

Perching on the edge of the bed, you nodded. "Saw him out the window. He was having a hard time  knowing what was real or not, so I helped him out a little. Showed him I was real, and it made his vision of Lucifer disappear for a while."

"Good." He's had a cut on his hand that helps with me. What did you do?" Dean asked as he grabbed a beer from the cooler.

"I kissed him. Then let him hold me until he fell asleep." You admitted softly.

With the beer bottle hanging halfway to his lips, Dean stared at you. "What? But you had said you were going to stay away from that sort of thing. That you liked not having the attachment."

Clasping your hands together, you kept your gaze pointed at your feet. "I know. But he needed my help, and I couldn't resist it. I think my resolve might be cracking, and I don't know... "

"Y/N, you and Sam cared for each other deeply. You've been through nothing but hell to be together. Of course it was hard to resist your feelings and emotions. And I'm glad you're seeing that it might have been a stupid thing to do."

Just then you could hear the sounds of a struggle coming from your bedroom. With a heartbroken look Dean's way, you raced through the door, your hand trembling as you unlocked your door. What you saw had your heart breaking.

Your gentle giant of a man was crouched in the corner of the room, his hair standing on end. With a knife in his hand, he waves it in front of him, like he had a pack of werewolves in front of him. His eyes were wild and unfocused.

"Sam?" Dean tried, his hands out in front of him. Taking a careful step forward, he jumped back when Sam swung the knife at him.

"Sam, it's just us." You told him softly as you held your hand super, showing you meant no harm. Taking one step, then two, he watched you with a detachment that was hard to take.

"You were gone." He croaked. "You said you would stay, but you didn't. How do I know you're real?"

By this time you were beside him,  taking the knife from him and dropping it on the floor behind you. "I'm so sorry Sam. But I'm here now."

Cupping his cheek, you let loose your power, sending as much healing vibes as you could into him,  willing him to sleep. Tottering in front of you, his eyes closed, and he fell to the floor with a thud. Your knees weak and Wobbly, you would have joined him if it hadn't been for Dean's strong arms.

"Thank you for helping him. But we need to find a cure, and soon. Before this ends up killing him." He told you as he gently placed you on the bed.