Don't Fear the Reaper

Assurance

Sure, your talk with Sam was supposed to calm all your fears of wanting a new life. A life away from hunting. But you knew he had tried, at least once to leave this life. What if he truly wanted a normal life, a life away from Monsters, and he was hiding that just to placate you. Hell, you were a Monster! How could he expect to have a normal life when his girlfriend was a Reaper, an abomination that he had tried so hard to get away from.

It was a week after your talk with him, and it still was front and center in your thoughts. You couldn't get away from it. Sam had assured you a couple of times he was being truthful, but you still wondered if a part of him wanted that normalcy that you could never give him. It hurt, knowing that you might not be enough for the man you loved more than anything. Making you wonder if after everything the two of you had been through, if it was time to take a step back and let him have a chance with another human.

It hurt, thinking of yourself that way. Thinking of yourself as the monster you truly were, and not as the human you wished you could be. It hurt enough that you often found yourself sitting outside of the motel room, staring up at the stars while Sam and Dean slept inside. Wondering why you had to be so weird, so different. If you had only been like the other Reapers, you would have never been in this predicament. Wishing you had been born human so you could live and love Sam without these thoughts clouding your love.

Sitting there, you didn't hear the footsteps behind you, but you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist, pulling you tight to a warm chest. "Y/N, what are you doing out here?" Sam asked you, holding you tight against him.

Leaning back into his embrace, you took a deep breath. You didn't want to tell him the truth. That you were feeling hopeless and wrong. "Just needed some fresh air." You mumbled, as he leaned down, his lips brushing your neck.

"Yeah, I don't think that's it." He answered, moving around the bench so he could sit next to you. Pulling you onto his lap, he brushed the hair back from your face, his gaze serious in the moonlight. "I've noticed you've been acting different for a while now. Ever since our talk, you've seemed distant and sad. I've given you space, hoping that would help. But Y/N, you're worrying me!"

"Sam, please just forget about it. Things will get back to normal soon enough, I promise." You pleaded, hoping he would leave it at that, but by the way his mouth twitched, you knew it wasn't going to happen. "Fine. I guess it just hit me, suddenly."

"What hit you?" He asked patiently.

Standing up, you began pacing in front of him. "That I'm a Monster Sam! I'm one of the things you kill, and why did I think I deserved to be with you in the first place?"

Sobbing, you fell to your knees, ignoring the sting of the pavement as you held your head down. All your thoughts and fears came rushing to the surface, and you couldn't control the wracking cries.

"Damn it Y/N, I don't think of you that way!" He argued, kneeling down next to you. "Please just calm down so we can talk about this!"

"But Sam, it's true." You sobbed. "I'm a Reaper. Death is probably looking for me. I'm not human, not normal. I know you said you didn't care for a normal life, but I know that's not true. And I can't give it to you! I don't age, and people would notice, and we'd have to move. And I don't think I can give you kids and I..." You blabbed on and on, only stopping when Sam's lips met yours.

"And I don't care about any of that." He insisted. "None of that matters to me as long as you are beside me. Sure, at one point I wanted a normal life. But that dreams been over for a long time, and I don't want it back. I want you. You are not a monster. Sure, you're a Reaper, but that doesn't make you a Monster. You are sweet, and kind and smart and good. That's what matters." Grabbing your hand, he placed it over his heart. "This beating heart? It's full of nothing but love for you. That's what matters."

"Are you sure?" You whispered. "You mean so much to me, I don't want to push you away from the chance at a normal life. With a woman that can give you all of that and so much more."

Pulling you back into his lap, he held you tight against him. "I am sure. You are what I want. I love you, not the thought of a normal life. Please believe me this time."

Nodding through your tears, you moved your head up, your lips searching for his in the darkness. Your kiss was searching and powerful, need affirmation of his answers. He responded in kind, his kiss hard and fast, promising he loved you. Standing up with you still in his arms, he made his way to the Impala, pulling out the spare keys. "Won't Dean be mad?" You asked, knowing exactly what Sam had in mind.

"I don't care." Sam answered, laying you down gently on the backseat. It was a tight fit, the two of you on that small bench seat. But in your frenzy, it didn't matter. Clothes were strewn across both seats, your limps tangled and the windows fogged up. Sam showed you in so many ways how much he loved you, how much he wanted you more than anything else, and by the time you were cuddled against his chest, both of you were exhausted and covered in sweat.

"Well, that was amazing." He mumbled against you, his chest still heaving.

"It was...I don't think I have the words to describe it." You answered, stretching your sore body. But you had a smile on your face, your earlier doubts fading with the steam.

"Does it make you realize I'm being truthful? That I want you above all things?" He asked you, his hand running up and down your bare arm.

"Yes. I'm sorry for doubting you Sam. But I just want you to be happy. I'll do anything to make sure you're happy." You insisted, giggling slightly when his teeth tugged gently on your lip.

"I am happy. Having you by my side makes me the happiest man." He answered as the sun started rising over the hotel. A watercolor of orange and yellow, it was spectacular. It seemed perfect that you had come to agreement at the start of a new day. A fresh start all around.

"Damn it guys!" Dean roared, smacking his hand on the roof of the car. "You have to detail it now Sam!"

Laughing, you reached over the seat, grasping your shirt and slipping it on while Sam slipped into his pants. "It was worth it." He told you, his smile as magnificent as the sunrise.