leATHERMØUTH -frerard-

Interlude 4

He wasn't there the next day.

My bruises got darker. My cuts got deeper. The bumps swelled more.

My tears fell faster.

I looked like a victim of domestic abuse. I felt like one, too. I ached and I cried and I was shunned. No one would look at me anymore. Not a glance.

It was five days until I saw Gerard again. He looked tired and sad. I tried to talk to him but he ignored me. When I touched his shoulder, he smacked my hand away and immediately looked guilty after doing so.

He ignored me for a week before I finally snapped.

It was the end of the day on a Friday and the final bell rang. I saw him walking away from the school and chased after him. He didn't even know I was chasing him.

"Gerard! Please! I can't take it!"

He whipped around, "What?"

"I want to go back to normal. Whatever we had felt normal. I liked sitting in the floor of the bathroom and eating lunch with you. And I'd kick you and you'd kick me back. I liked getting ice cream with you on hot days during lunch hour. I liked talking with you, sitting in the fields during PE. I liked having you close to me and I liked it when you fell asleep on my shoulder. I finally had someone around and it was you! The person who could never hate me and I loved that. And I've never loved anyone before and, Gerard, I- I've spent days tearing myself apart trying to make sense of these sudden emotions and how strong they are... I just want you and I to be- to be- to be close again! Gerard, please. Please." I rambled, panting, almost crying.

His face softened, then tightened in an angry way again, "Go away, Frank."

"Goddammit, Gerard!!! I like you!" I clung desperately to him, grabbing his hand.

He yanked away, "I said go away."

"Please," I whispered, "everyday I ache. Not just because I don't know how to clean my own wounds, but because you are my missing piece to make my life better, Gerard. Don't you get it? Please, I'll do anything. Please..."

He took a step back from me.

"No, Frank. Go home." He said flatly.

"Gerard! Hey!" A voice I didn't know walked over.

"Hi, Ryan."

"Hey, Gee." Said a voice next to Ryan.

"Oh yeah, I brought my boyfriend, Brendon to hang out, too, if you don't mind- who's this?" Ryan asked, looking me up and down.

Gerard yanked his sleeve away from my grasp, "No one. Let's go."

"No, come on! He looks cool! What's his name?"

"I'm nothing. I'm no body..." I replied, cowering away from Gerard.

Pain flickered in his eyes and he turned towards Ryan and Brendon.

"Can he hang out with us?" Brendon asked.

"No. No he can't." He replied, pain in his voice.

"Gerard..." I said.

He whipped around and slapped me. I was taken off guard, lost my balance, slipped, and fell to the ground. My cheek stung. I put my hand up to my face and looked up at Gerard.

"Go home, Frank." He choked on his words, "Just go away!!!"

They all walked away and Ryan mouthed "I'm sorry". Ryan and Brendon. Who were they? Who had Gerard met? Boyfriends? Gerard was just a third wheel. Ryan and Brendon wanted me to be their friend.

Gerard had slapped me.

"Ha! Looks like you really got him now!" I heard the taunting voices.

"Just get it over with." I said, staring at the ground.

"What?" One of them asked.

"Mikey, shut up."

A few others told him to keep quiet. He refused.

"No! You said that the guy you picked on was close to you guys! Like a friend! You- you bitches!"

"Are you fucking standing up for this shit? He's a fag! He makes heart eyes at this other fag! You see him slap him!?"

"That other fag was my brother, you cunt. Fuck off." He spat.

Mikey said a few other things and they backed off. He glared at them as they walked away and offered his hand to me. I looked up at him.

One of them had never offered to help me before.

I took his hand hesitantly and he helped me to my feet, "I'm so sorry about them. I'm not one of them. I thought maybe they were cool, but they aren't. Abusing someone everyday isn't cool."

I just blinked at him.

He was Gerard's brother.

"I'm Mikey, by the way. No pun intended."

"Frank."

He looked around, "You don't have anywhere to be, do you?"

I shook my head.

"Mind if we talk?"

...

"And that's why he slapped you?"

"I don't know. I just want to be close again."

"He doesn't want that, though." Mikey shifted in his seat.

He had led me to a café near the school.

"What do you mean?"

"He loves you, Frank. I know this because he won't stop talking about you." He paused, "He doesn't want to be close. He wants to be with you."

"Like Ryan and Brendon?"

"In a sense, yes. Together. You said his face softened and he got mad again?"

I nodded.

He set his elbow on the table, "He loved your speech. He agreed he wants to do those things again, but he wants to do it as a couple. You finished it off wrong." He paused again, "from what I heard from what you said you said 'I've never loved someone before' and I think he took that to heart."

"I stuttered. I was going to say I've never loved anyone before and that I love him. I don't know why I stopped myself." I thought, "I just don't know why he slapped me. He's so gentle..."

Mikey nodded, "He had too many emotions and didn't want you to make him cry. So he slapped you. I'm not saying it wasn't uncalled for, but sometimes he does things that surprise us. I mean, look at his new friends."

"I've been meaning to ask about them." I said, tapping my foot.

"Ryan is the good guy. Brendon... he has things Gerard used to be addicted to."

"Drugs?"

"Cocaine."

I blinked.

"Fuck..."

"Thankfully Gerard hasn't taken him up on his offers. He doesn't want to be like his old self. Told me a few years back. He's clean."

"That's good."

There was a silence. I took a sip of my drink. Mikey did the same.

"You make him happy, you know." Mikey said suddenly.

"He makes me happy, too." I looked down at my drink, watching it fizz.

"Tonight," he started, checking his phone, "at around... 6:30, I want you to knock on our door. Say what you feel. Gerard will want to hear it."

"You think?"

"I know."