Off The Coasts Of Ireland (Septiplier)

~ Chapter 5 ~

Mark laughed in sync with me as he flipped to a new blank page since he filled the last one up to the brim with notes. Our laughs quickly died off and Mark reached over to the table beside him where he placed the sheet of paper Dr. Walsh gave him before he and Amy left. Mark straighten his glasses and adjusted them to a certain placement as he read a few lines on his paper. "Ok, so what can you tell me about your family? Do you have any brothers and sisters? Relatives?" He leaned back on his chair and gazed up at me in fascination. I could tell by the sparkle in his eyes and the natural grin rising on his face that would fluctuate regularly that Mark was clearly enjoying the somewhat interview. But I couldn't fault him for it, I found myself getting more and more interested in our chat.

My whimsical expression felt washed away by a giant wave of loneliness. Remembering back on the coast, all the hardships I've been through that have flushed my emotions internally and I've been stuck with dealing with the feeling of nothing.

I guess that's what depression does to you, it hits you like a crashing wave, making you tumble down a long river stretch. You hit and glide past rocks which take parts of you every moment you bang into them. As you go down this current, you feel sad, lost, confused until after what feels like forever, you crash into that giant rock that separates you from who you once where; A figure full of emotions, feelings and thoughts, to a self you feel like no more than one of those rocks. You are then broken out of repair and life becomes as dull and bland as your emotions.

"I-I don't have a family... I-I have never seen or even met them. I have no idea if I have brothers or sisters, I have no idea if I have relatives... I have no idea if my family ever loved me and just threw me on that stupid coast to abandon me for my whole life without any guidance! You don't know how scared I was when I was a merboy! I felt that the world punished me from the first day I was born, and I still think so! I have been isolated for so long that I feel I lost touch with myself! Oh how the coast and ocean can be a sad, forsaken place! It's so quiet, the worst thing I ever endured was slight hallucinations! I felt I sometimes heard footsteps or saw something for the corner of my eye but nothing was ever there. Oh, how loneliness can really take a hold of you! Since I never learned anything about the ocean I never left that coast and the only time I did find some type of self-esteem in me, I got caught by fishermen!"

I suddenly realized that I was yelling and cursing under my breath, I slapped my hands over my mouth and I stared boggled down at Mark. I didn't mean to get mad Mark! I'm so sorry for yelling!

Mark stared baffled at me for a few moments, his silent stare and slightly parted mouth gripped me in suspense as I waited in my shaking scales for his next move. Mark slowly took a deep breath and shuffled his papers. He stared up at me after a couple seconds of glancing down at his lap, the eyes behind the glasses looked up at me with grave concern. "Jack..." A long stifled breath escaped his mouth as I could tell he was trying to organize his thoughts. "How long have you had your depression?" His stiffening words loomed in the air darkly, I felt my whole body taken aback and wince from the sound of that word as if I was stabbed by a giant fish hook. He confirmed I had depression...

He knows what I have... And I told him... He knows my only feelings and now I can't back out... My whole body shivered with intensity and I couldn't shake off the thought that now, we both know... Suddenly I realized this was going to be more than a simple interview...

"I... I have dealt with depression for as long as I have lived, it's alive within me and deep in my bones. I feel it everyday and now since I'm here, I feel more broken and confused than ever..." I had my head down as I look down at my chest, I peered up fearfully and saw Mark rip a piece of fresh paper. He put all his other notes aside, abandoning them on the table next to him, with only one paper in his hand, he started writing something down. He looked back up with a new sense of responsibly written on his face.