Titanium

Part 3-Hana

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, Lauren Oliver owns it all.

Hana 

I hear the shot and suddenly there chaos. All the Invalids at now crumbled wall don't even stop to think-they know they have already won the fight and there is no sense in starting it again-they just run into the Wilds beyond.  

I know that I should be glad the regulators are here, that is what the cured should think. But I don't. The part of me that wants it; that craves the deliria is growing bigger by the second, as I watch these people-these free people-run into the unknown. And then I am running too. I am running to join them.

Because I want it so badly, I always have, it just took seeing Lena to make realize it. To realize I envied her life, no matter how strange that may seem, it is the truth. I yearned for what she had and I still do. 

So I run. 

There probably isn't any chance that I will ever be able to truly feel love, but that won't  stop me from trying. 

 I hear one of the regulators call after me. He must have recognized me, and knows that I am cured, so how come I'm running away? I can't even explain it to myself. I am cured, but not fully. There is still part of me that is living freely. It feels as if the cure is a barrier that is slowly cracking, revealing the real me. 

And then I see him. 

"Alex!" I shout. I know immediately that I shouldn't have said anything. He probably hates me, and if he doesn't he will soon. And besides, I'm cured. He won't trust me no matter what. But I couldn't help calling out to him. It may sound stupid, but he makes me feel safe. All those times I was with him and Lena, it felt as if we would be okay as long as he was there with us. 

And then I turned him in. 

He turns around and I see shock register on his face and then fear. He knows I am cured. He turns to run back into the crowd, but I am still a little faster than him-and with his second of shock- I am able to catch up with him. 

"Hey," I say. 

"Hana, are you cured?" He asks,  even though I know he already  knows the answer. 

"Yes." 

And then I see it in his eyes, he still cares about me a little bit, Lena hasn't told him yet. 

"Look, Hana, I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have too. Please just go back to where the regulators are. I may not hurt you, but anyone else here will, without a second thought," he says. 

"No," I say. "I want to come with you." 

I see the shock register on his face. "Come with us? Hana, why would you want to come with us?" 

"Because," I say. I realize I don't really have a way to explain it, how do I explain that I want something that I am supposed to think of as a disease? How am I supposed to explain that I'm different than the rest if the cureds? How do I make him believe me? "I want what you have, there's some part of me that was never cured, and I want to be able to love. I know it sounds crazy, but I envy your life. Please believe me, Alex. Please, you have to believe me."  

I can see him contemplating it. Does he believe me? I never thought he would. 

"You know that with love comes sadness and pain," he says. 

"Yes, I want that too," I say. "You can't be happy unless you're unhappy sometimes." I almost whisper the last part. I see the puzzled look on his face, and quickly add "that's just something I used to say." 

"Okay, I believe you," he says. I don't know what to do, I'm so excited. I'm tempted to jump up and hug him, but as if he senses what I'm thinking, he puts his hand up. "Theres no time to celebrate, we have to go, and just because I believe you, doesn't mean you will get to say with us, I don't know who will believe you, probably Lena," he says, he seems to be off in thought, forgetting I'm there just for a second. Thinking of Lena. I can't help but feel a wrench in my stomach, what I did; I did nothing to help their relationship. 

Snapped out of his reverie suddenly, Alex grabs my arm and leads me towards the remains of the wall, sprinting at a neck-breaking speed. It takes me a couple of seconds to realize what startled him, then I hear it, the gunshots. 

As we sprint towards the wall, I look back, for just a second, at the city I have called my home for the past eighteen years. I had so many memories here, but strangely I don't think I'm going to miss it very much. I am ready to start a new life out in the Wilds. A life with love. 

As we make it over the ruins of the wall, there are so many people running around-looking for people-that I hardly get a glance at anyone's face. We are also running through the crowd, I tell myself it is because Alex doesn't want anyone to realize that I am cured-and even though that might be part of it-I know that he is looking for someone too. Lena. The thought of seeing her makes me sad. I know that she will never forgive me. And that once she tells Alex what I did, he won't ever forgive me either. Not to mention that he will then think that I was lying earlier, about not being fully cured, and my time as a free person will come to an end. 

Eventually I see her. Alex does too. She is looking around frantically for someone. Looking for Alex. She is holding hands with a little girl- Gracie! I'm so glad that she is here. I am glad that she will get to be free. 

"Lena!" Alex calls. 

She turns around and a smile appears on her face as she sees Alex. She starts to walk over to us. About half way  there she finally slides her gaze over to me and she stops dead in her tracks. The smile on her face quickly turns into a frown.