Titanium

Part 24-Hana

Disclaimer: I own copies of all of Lauren Oliver's books, but I do not own the rights to any of them. 

Hana

Suddenly his lips are on mine.

This isn't like any of the kisses I've shared with Steve,-and I don't think I ever actually kissed Fred- which felt hurried and fake. This feels one hundred percent real. As soon as his lips meet mine, I melt into him, and it's like I've never been kissed before. I feel another part of that shell surrounding breaking off, exposing another bit of light to the world; another bit of love. 

I would like to stay like this forever, but I can't force him into anything. I know that he kissed me, but something in me is screaming that this isn't right, that it isn't fair. He probably still loves Lena. When we were in high school, everyone looked over Lena, now she's the centre of attention, drawing everybody in. While I'm just sitting on the sidelines. But now she has Alex again, and I have a feeling that isn't changing anytime soon. Maybe it's time for me to get back in the game. 

But I still pull away.

"I-I'm sorry," I say, stuttering as my heart pounds so loudly in my chest, and I try to catch my breath. I'm still only inches away from his face. I kind of want to kiss him again. but that wouldn't be the smartest option. "I know that Lena-"

I don't know where I was going with that sentence, so I'm glad that she stopped me. 

"Lena never loved me. And I knew it. It was her who didn't. I should have told her that the minute I saw the way she looked at Alex, even after all that he had said. But instead I kept trying. I kept trying to convince myself that I loved her, and that maybe if I loved her enough, she would love me back. I didn't even know love was. I was forcing it on myself and her. Love isn't something you push, it's something you welcome. I know she cares about me, and I care about her. But love isn't there. There was a little hint at a spark in the beginning, but nothing compared to what I am feeling right now. And nothing compared to what Lena feels for Alex. I can see it in both of their eyes."

He pauses for a second, as if lost in a memory. I don't dare speak, for fear that he will remember who I am and take back what he said about the spark. About maybe loving me. 

"This one night-the night Alex left us and went back to Portland-I asked him to tach m how to fight," he laughs slightly as he says this. "Not the best idea. And after we started to get a little out of hand, he started talking about her. Saying that I didn't deserve her, but neither did he. Saying how much he wished he could back everything he had said that ever hurt her. I don't even think he realized what he was saying. He loved her. And he kept telling me that-telling me that he loved her, and that nothing else in the world compared to her. That I should know to treat her right, as she deserved; to make sure she was happy. I knew then that I didn't love her with this burning passion that he did. Not even close. But I feel it starting with you. This tiny flame that is growing bigger inside me. I don't know how I never realized it before. I could love you, Hana Tate."

And then I'm kissing him again. 

A/N: Thanks for reading!!!! Does anyone have any good ideas for Lena and Alex? Please comment below!