Desire For Business

Its Charis Amore not "oh I am sorry"

The day begins. I start my Kerug and have some Starbucks blonde coffee and a overdue cigarette. I sip and watch Parker sleep from the angle from my bar. He belonged in magazines. I finish my cup and begin my self made promise.  I start with a beach wave curl for my hair even though I truly don't care how I look at this moment but I must stay distracted. I need to act like I care. I make an appointment with the technician to do my eyelashes in an hour. Since tears soaked them to disaster. I do a natural make up look with light bronzer and highlighter. Whatever make up that is not in my purse, is the ones I needed but not as a daily emergency kit. So I use my urban decay face pallette and their nudes for light shadows. I know I am going to have to do my eyes again because after she removes these lashes it messes up the make up around my eyes and nose.
Now what to wear...long sleeved  navy blue dress while tighter at the bottom with some thigh high black flat faux leather boots. I look in the mirror, besides the gapping hole of misery shinning back at me...I look like the self made Charis otherwise. I figure I should stop at the hospital unannounced for Dr.Evers to check on my ear there after my lash application.

I start to hear Parker stir in the bed. I go to sit next to him "well don't you dress up nice" I smile at him with a serious look and I see his face instantly becomes defensive since I've done this to him on too many times unfairly..but before he can speak. I look at him apologetically but desperately  "Parker I need you right now and for a while, you make my situations....eh  bearable but I need you to understand you can not ask questions, we are not official and sex is off the table... I don't blame you if it is too much to ask." He looks down and back up slowly smirking "I am way too sexy to be friend zoned" then his face returns to that subtle gentleness that is rare to everyone else "I know a gangster robbed your heart. I promise to do my best to not cross that line..... aside from kissing you." I tilt my head disapproving and think a moment for the comfort they provide and answer assertively  "never in public" he nods agreeably and happily.  I am about to walk out the door "Don't I get a key?" I laugh..."no Parker, you don't... and you call when you're coming...I stop and think of a lonely night "I guess if your stay becomes more frequent I will think about it." I pause and look at him, "the moment that "gangster" returns though...things are back to how they use to be...you must understand that Parker" I see the hurt in his eyes followed by an egotistical smirk. I know he is thinking he won't return but I will never give up. I roll my eyes. "Lock up and put the alarm on and don't smell my underwear" he looks at me like I am crazy with a goofy look "why would I smell yours when I can smell mine" then laughs at his own joke. I just roll my eyes, closing the door behind me.

I enter the lash spa comforted by heated blankets, meditation music, vanilla candles and dim lighting as I wait for the tech to come in. My bottom lids are then taped down so the glue doesn't stick to my bottom lashs. Then a bright light is placed at my face. The ones they do in dentists and she does her magic. Since my eyes are to remained closed and the music reminds me of my first and last time with Kalisto. I focus on the perfect details of our love and not of the disaster and I  drift to sleep. An hour and a half later I am better rested and lashes are long thick and in uniform for at least the next 3 months. No more tears for me anymore. It just can't be.

I walk to my car and drive to the hospital, walk to the front desk that is in the middle of a large waiting room and ask for Dr. Evers or nurse Kelly specifically. The blonde haired hospital admin makes some calls.  I am first greeted by nurse Kelly with a worrisome look in her eyes.  Her face is showing smiles and nods, but her words don't match, I assume for the camera's " I was told to not let you know anything about him being here and that if you ask it'll just be worse for him" I try not to look shocked "I...came...for Dr.  Evers to look at my ear?" and I  point to it and move my hair around to show my scar for camera sake. I see the relief run over her face "Don't say anything of what I just told you" she walks to the front section points to me and I sit in the entrance lobby. Thoughts running through my head in which I grab a magazine to distract any form of knowledge that the one person who makes my heart beat out of rhythm ...is here, hospitalized breathing the same central air as me. I turn the pages methodically. I am trying my hardest to do what use to come naturally but never had to do it when I didn't have just me to think of.  Oh how I wish I could beat down all the doors to find him, to apologize and gently kiss his wounds that I am reason their there. 

I am later greeted by a different nurse. She is polite and elderly she does the usual height, weight, temperature etc... enters me in a room on the other side of the hospital and closes the door behind her. I just pause so consumed by the fact that we are near each other and as of lately, I am yet again helpless.

I am then 20 minutes later greeted by Dr. Evers who looks very nervous. "Hello Miss Amore, why didnt you go to a regular doctor?" He asks still seeming fidgety. I answer honestly "well you know my case best and I don't have to answer odd questions" he then takes out the instrument and looks in my ear "ahhh much bettet no damage it was just caused by the swelling" he looks at my wound "healing very well" he looks at me again  "need anything more for the pain?" I think of my once awful headache and make him aware of it "stay atop of your iron" I interrupt "please non-narcotic for the pain" I then grab his hand taking him off guard, look him in the dead in eyes, pleading "Is he going to be okay? I only came for my ear but when you seemed so nervous I figured he would be here when they dragged him from my apartment  I know the situation I am putting him in" and hold up my finger to my ear incase of surveillance  "Tell him I love him and you don't rat on me cause theyll kill me too" he nods his head "Don't come back here again, I know you didnt know but still" I am about to walk out the door when he turns to me "Don't trust them their corrupt people  and he came in today more heart broken than physical, thats saying a lot for broken ribs, fractured cheek bones and deep lacerations  to his back and he must've been water boarded because there is lots of fluid in his lungs" a tears falls on his face "  and came closer to me "He whispered to me when we are all alone for me to not blame you that he is being punished for love, I promise I will do everything I can to bring him as back to health as possible but you can't be here, they'll blame him." He looks at me... Kalisto made me a promise otherwise he'd refuse treatment" I look at him ready to explode, he realizes "I will find a way for you to communicate but only when he doesn't look like he does" I look at him confused "how does this benefit you? Why would you risk your life for us?" His eyes then mirror my gapping hole "because my wife died of cancer and I couldn't save her, all the years of school, all the medicine in the world...but my heart and life will be forever broken. Love like ours..like yours is very very rare now go please go and be as ignorant and normal as can be; we will be in contact soon"

Day 1 as back to normal Charis, and guilt swarms my body. I walk out smiling and thanking all those who helped; medical assistants, nurses and smiled at passing nurses and doctors. No association to the helpless person who just irresponsibly sent their loved one to the hospital broken and barely breathing. I walk to my car light up a now stale cigarette and drive away as if I am oblivious.