Desire For Business

Knowledge is Power

Tomorrow will be first day back at work for the college, it will also be delivery day for my clients as well and 3 days before I offically start working for Dris, assuming that I still will since I haven't been told otherwise. Unfortunately, I will have to call him later to discuss how my delivery will be handled tomorrow.

Its been a much needed break from reality these past few days which I filled with shopping trips, visiting my parents, movie and dinner dates with Parker and Krisia. Somehow, whenever I am in public going to somewhere that might be misconstrued as a date to a third party, or thoughts of life to even think about moving on without him. I am sure to bting Krisia
I do feel guilty for the closeness Parker and i have that
I do share behind closed doors, but I probably would be doped up or dead if it wasn't for him. He knows the deal but my mere justification doesn't always settle well with my guilt and I am left feeling like I am self hypotnitizing my own therapy to I have learned to survive with the misery thats deep within and hidden well to everyone else.

Its another casual day as the others recently have been and I am getting ready for the day. I drink my coffee on my huge porch covered in the shade of mass leaves of two large Oak trees planted close together and being on the third floor my porch its lathered in leaves and branches, its secluded. E
With a couple cups of coffee and a few cigarettes I am also enjoying the start of the fall weather. Time to dress for the day.

A dark denim pair of skinny jeans with a black, off shoulder shirt with some black sweater UGG boots, loosely around my lower half calf and like always, some eyecatching silver dangly earrings. My blonde hair was flat ironed earlier while I was still in bed well past noon watching an episode to some of my new found favorite Netflix shows. So I just added some dry shampoo and re-did some stray hairs that waved unruly. My eyes did in a cat eye liner and some red lipstick and bathe up of Light Blue from D&G. Self made Charis, there she is and still starring through my green eyes is that gleem of misery that still resides in that gapping hole within.

I look around to see what I can do tomorrow to make the day go eaiser, but the work is second nature and ill find no problems other than which outfit should I wear.
I make another pot of coffee, this time decaf though, I have a feeling the doctor wouldn't recommend with my head aches to push the caffeine but I didn't expect a half as quick of a recovery by this early anyway.

Sitting and thinking too much puts me in like an impulse of anger, and I instantanously call Dris without thought or hesistation, and to my surprise no answer... and I dont utter leaving a message. I pace back and forth, partly because of the caffeine and my anger/nervousness. The phone rings...shit. I pick up the phone and before I could say a word he speaks "I expect you to arrive promptly tomorrow at the 4. There is much for you to still understand and do and you seem well enough that the extra 3 days will not be of your need." He pauses and my hate calms to a level of something that even shocked me and I know he wouldnt understand even as I say it, so as calm as could be, I flow "In a world of hate I hope you find love Dris" and like the old me, he mirrors my earlier intentions, cutting me short "such emotions make us weak" and I respond roboticaly giving up before thinking "I have a delivery tommorow...." then returning to the topic at a pause "And sometimes love can humble our thoughts and think with clarity with a second opinion and with someone who understands you and wants your best interest and tomorrow you should start adjusting, we should....together." Then silence for a good 30 seconds. I thought he hung up"I refuse to feel remorse to be betrayed but your input and your secondary eductation in put with an anthropology degree will help in our business." And with nothing else of thought I expect...he bammed on me. Dial tone

I sit at my porch viewing the lake through a peek of the branches and a feeling of a calmness washes over me. Dris admires me, my ideals and most of all he actually gives consideration to my thoughts. Whether he wants to ever show it, doesn't bother me. He is baffled at the balls I have and realizes a person with nothing to loose thats already lost and still finds to be humble. I know it bothers him as much as it intrigues him. Partly because of culture and him being a man. I guess he thought I wasnt going to work for him after he took Kalisto. I think this job will be more to handle than I already thought. I could use a challenge, some distraction something that will allow me to have inner strength without
interfering with the misery which I will keep til Kalisto returns beside me. I know illl see him there and he will be either tutoring me or me tutoring him. I know we will be watched and probabily punished. Anyways it will under survillance and itll be awhile before he can return to work though.