The Night

Kiss

Monday, July 9th

I woke up from my slumber and found myself in a different place from where I fell asleep. I was no longer on the small couch, but on a large fluffy bed.

I was sleeping beside someone, not  knowing who. They slept under the sheets and snored lightly. I purposely shuffled in bed in attempt to wake the other person up. And I succeeded.

From under the sheets, a mass of curls rose along with a pale naked torso. It was only Brian.

"What the hell John it's too early. Go back to sleep" He mumbled in his sleep. He shoved his face into a pillow and sighed. He was right, it was only 4:30 in the morning.

"How did I end up in here?" I asked, completely ignoring his request. He groaned.

"I carried you. It's better for you to sleep on a bed." He grumbled.

"Thank you." Brian groaned a "you're welcome."

I felt my throat start to burn and my mouth tasted awful. I rushed towards the closest bathroom and retched into the toilet. Someone from behind me held my hair up and rubbed my back while doing so. After I finished I flushed the toilet and turned around. It was Brian again.

"Sit on my bed, I'll be back." He demanded. He rushed out the door and into the kitchen while I went back to bed. I was hungry, I was always hungry. Even before the pregnancy, I just ate a lot in general.

Brian tiptoed back in with a glass of water and handed it to me. I took a small sip and felt the cool liquid slid down my throat.

"Do you do this alone at home?" He asked. I nodded my head. I took another long sip.

"Don't you feel weak though?" He continued. I shook my head. Another sip was made.

"No, I don't. I am capable of throwing up and getting a glass of water. It's not rocket science."

Brian frowned at me. He looked down at me as if I was the weakest thing to walk earth, and sometimes I felt like it.

"You should honestly stay with us." He suggested.

"No, I don't want to be a burden. I can do this myself." I spoke out loud. I didn't sound convincing, I couldn't even convince myself. I hated being alone, but I hated disappointing people even more. I started to drink my water faster.

"Fine, I'm just worried. I feel like I failed you as a friend. I was at the same place where it happened, if didn't-"

"Don't blame yourself. Don't think about it." Was all I said. Thinking about it made it worst, I would know. I am to blame for this.

"Okay. I just... you mean a lot to me. I love you." He whispered. He took the empty glass from my hands and left the room, leaving me shocked.

I love you.

I was furious. Those words were used so loosely between others. No one actually means it.

Veronica said she loved me. I never got any love from her, just trauma. That unknown man said he loved me, while he took everything I had in one unfaithful night. All I associate with that phrase, "I love you" is pain and betrayal. No one has truly loved me enough to speak those words. Now why would Brian?

The memories came back and I needed to leave. I was extremely uncomfortable. I was anxious and I wanted to escape this feeling.

I got out of bed and rushed out the room, the entire house was dark. I made my way downstairs and slipped on my shoes. Brian stared at me in worry.

"What's wrong?" He shouted. He walked towards me but I moved away. My hands were shaky and I could barely support myself. My lungs squeezed as I tried to take deep breaths, but they all came out erratic.

"John!" Brian yelled as I tried to push him away. He was stronger, and he held my wrists against the wall. I was pinned down, I was vulnerable. I panted and glared at Brian as he stared back. He was obviously worried but I didn't care.

"Brian let me go!" I kicked and squealed, but he had a firm grip on me. Ear splitting screams crawled out my throat. This scenario seemed horrifyingly familiar. I couldn't let it happen again.

"John be quiet! Everything is okay!" He yelled. Those words were the same from that night, nothing was alright. I knew from past experience that I should shut it now before I get hurt. I stopped screaming and grew limp. I would've fallen to the ground if it weren't for him holding me.

"Brian please, please let me go. I swear I won't do anything." I begged. He sighed and released his iron grip. I slid down the wall and stared at the floor.

Brian kneeled down and faced me.

"What's wrong. What was, that." He  whispered.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I cried out.

"Tell me what happened." He whispered.

"You said something in there that reminded me of..." I mumbled quietly. Brian caught on and sighed.

"I'm sorry I didn't know. I shouldn't have said that." Brian apologized. He was so caring and helpful. I trusted him a lot, he means a lot to me. He continued coming for me whenever I denied his helped, he never stopped. I admire him very much. Why is it just now that I'm realizing how much of a great person he was.

I leaned forward subconsciously and kissed him. It felt like the right thing to do, it's the only thing I could do.

I took him by surprise but he kissed back. Our mouths molded together and my tongue danced on his bottom lip. His mouth opened slightly and I took my chance to advance things further. Our tongue danced I harmony. It felt amazing.

The lights in the house flickered on and a small gasp was heard. Brian and I broke it off and awkwardly stared at Freddie who stood in front of us. Roger, full of grogginess, stared at us as well.

"What the fuck!" Roger screamed. Freddie looked hurt and I took this time to leave. Brian stood up and I awkwardly crawled around his legs and ran out the house. I heard screaming and shouting from inside the house, but I didn't turn back.

-_-

When I made it back to my home hours ago and went to sleep immediately. I woke up and it was around 5:00 in the afternoon.

I can't believe I kissed Brian, it was so early in the morning it felt like a dream. Out of all people in that house, I kissed Brian. There was nothing wrong with Brian, I just could've had Freddie. The kiss didn't mean anything sexual, it was a kiss to show how much he meant to me. I wasn't falling for him, he obviously likes Roger. But the expressions on Freddie and Roger's faced made me sick. I betrayed them both.

I decided to stay in today. I've caused enough trouble today.

I went into the kitchen and started to heat up some food my mother made. She usually snuck into my house when I slept and cooked, and left without a word. It scared me a bit but I didn't complain.

I sat at the table and started eating a plate of spaghetti. I never liked spaghetti but now I love it for some unknown reason.

I heard footsteps begin to walk up the steps to my door. I continued slurping on my food until someone knocked.

I got up and looked through the peephole, and recognized the person. I didn't need to see him right now, not after what just happened.

"We need to talk." He demanded.